The Thrill of Hope

The other morning I was driving to work and I was listening to my favorite Christmas song, "O Holy Night" by Mariah Carey. I have listened to this song a million times. And that morning I heard this one line for the first time: "The thrill of hope". It's funny how any times you can listen to a song but not really hear what it's saying.

I started thinking about the phrase, "the thrill of hope". When you feel hopeless and hope comes along it is thrilling. Hope is the difference between despair & death AND pressing on and life. When something promising comes along there is a new thrill.

"The thrill of Hope, the weary world rejoices." I LOVE that line!

A weary world rejoices. Weary from trying to earn God's love by our own work and sense of earning. Weary from nothing ever fulfilling our ever-thirsty hearts. Weary from the mundane-ness and dull-ness of life without a deep awareness of God's infinite love.

Jesus is the thrill of hope. He was the thrill of hope on that night he was born into the world. And he is the thrill of hope in my heart today. The thrill of hope - not for something or someone, but the thrill of Hope for God himself. The thrill that we no longer have to earn anything from God in Jesus. The thrill that we can finally find true satisfaction in Jesus. The thrill of knowing the intimate love of God in Jesus. The thrill that one day all our tears will be wiped away, nothing will ever wear-out, and we will live in perfection with God.

The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices in all that we now have hope for in Jesus.

Taylor Swift and worshipers

I love passionate people! I kind of get obsessed with them sometimes. Recently I have been fascinated by Taylor Swift. I have watched countless youtube videos on her (and bought her album and named our sermon series after one of her songs!).

But one thing that has struck me deeply is watching the way her fans worship her. The passionate excitement of millions of people screaming in utter amazement and longing just to see, meet, touch another person is crazy when you think about it. I fall into it too, I'm like I want to be Taylor Swift's best friend forever! haha

The essence of fandom is worship. Although I am intrigued by Taylor Swift and her following, I am more intrigued and convinced that God has really and truly created humans to be worshipers. God has put a deep longing and need in every soul to worship.

I started thinking why do Taylor Swift's fans worship her with such intensity? And I have come up with 2 reasons (there are probably more.)

1. She gets them. (us...). In her her lyrics she depicts her personal journey with love, loss, heartbreak, longing, mistakes, break-ups, getting over someone, excitement of romance, and the let downs of romance. And that just resonates with SO MANY PEOPLE. Especially girls. Some of her lyrics have just depicted perfectly how I am feeling at times and I'm like wow, someone just put my thoughts and feelings into such acurate words. It feels so nice to be understood like that.

2. She cares about her fans and interacts with them. (like on an extreme level). On one of her tours she had these meet and greets called "T-parties" and she had people walk through her concerts and select crazy fans to come to this T-party to meet her and hang out with her after the show. She did a 13 hour signing one day and people lined up for 13 hours... crazy! She retweets their tweets and comments on their Instagram. She went to one of her fans wedding showers. Just showed up with a bunch of gifts. She invited 89 fans to 5 of her houses to let them hear her album a month before she released it AND BAKED THEM COOKIES! She is always appreciating her fans.

She goes above and beyond for her fans and they worship her.

And that got me thinking about how God created us in his own image. He gets us. And then he sent Jesus to walk the earth and face our temptations, struggles and physical limitations. God gets us. He writes words in the Bible that resonate with what we go through. Yet his words extends beyond just romance. He writes about suffering, loss, pain, relationships, death, life, rejection, rebellion, need, peace, joy, restoration and redemption. He writes songs, stories, and letters that essentially say, "I get you." Not only does he get us, he meets our needs, leads us, discipline us, and knows us personally.

God also cares about us and interacts with us. Not on social media but more intimately. He gives us his actual presence and undivided attention. He speaks directly to us when we listen through his Spirit and his Word. Not only does he perform for us but he leads us. Not only does he work on projects that all of us will like, he does it personally and specifically for each one of us. He doesn't come to us on tour every 2 years but comes to us every moment, in our joys, in our heartbreaks, in our mundane moments.

He goes above and beyond for us. He sent his own son to die in our place and give us eternal life with him. And we worship him.

We are created to worship and praise and adore, not other people, but the God and Lord and Ruler of the entire universe and of our entire lives. 

The Counter-Intuitive Way

So much of the Christian life is paradoxical. It's so against the grain. God's ways are counter-intuitive to our ways. Yet his thoughts and ways are better and higher than ours...

The way UP is really the way down.
The way forward so often feels backwards.
The way to have true joy comes through suffering.
The way to have peace is not through control but through surrender.
The way to know Christ's companionship is through loneliness.
The way to become strong is through experiencing weakness.
The way to save your life is to lose it.
The way to be first is to be last.
The way to be exalted is to be humbled.
The way to gain Christ is through loss of the world.
The way to bear much fruit is to simply abide in Christ.
The way to accomplish much is through being still and prayer.
The way to life in Christ is through death to self.
The way to grow in awareness of God's grace is to grow in awareness of our sin.
The way to be truly free is to learn His discipline.
The way to wear a crown in heaven is to bear a cross on earth.
The way to shine bright is to be placed into the fire.

This was the way of Jesus on the cross and so is the way for every follower of Christ. "Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only few find it." - Matt 7:14

Beautifully Unfair

This is the beautiful unfairness of the Gospel, that on the cross Jesus:

Left his home, that I may come into his home.

He lost his beauty in the sight of man, that I may become beautiful in the sight of God.

He suffered on the cross, that I may know him as my joy.

He was nailed down, that I may experience freedom in him.

He was rejected by his Father, that I may be accepted by his Father.

He lost his Father's presence in his most painful hour, that I may have His presence in every hour.

He died a painful death, that I may live an abundant life.

He took the punishment of everything I did wrong, that I may receive the reward of everything he did right.

He who knew no sin would become sin, so that when God looks upon me he sees no sin. Instead, the righteousness of Jesus.

What happened on the cross is bigger and deeper and more amazing than we can ever fathom. How beautifully unfair that Jesus' undeserved death was exchanged for undeserved life for me.

This unfair grace, this unfair exchange, this unfair gospel is beautiful and it is ours, forever.

Overflow the Gospel

I want my life to be a response to the Gospel. I want to be so immersed in the Gospel that it overflows out of my life.

Every human heart has this desire to have someone's attention, to be accepted, to be approved of, to be thought highly of. I think God put that in us so He could give it to us, but we abuse it by trying to get others to pour that into us. We go around trying to get the applause of people. Whether it is through our looks, our accomplishments, our success, or even our tweets and FB statuses.

Whenever I notice my heart going to others for applause, I have to go back to the cross and remember that I already have what I'm looking for in Jesus. On the cross...

He poured out his life, so that I could have a full life.
He emptied himself, so that I could be filled with his spirit.
He lost the approval of God, so that I could have the approval of God.
He was rejected by his Father, so I could be accepted by his Father.
He lost the applause of God by my sin, so that I could have the applause of God by his righteousness

Out of sheer belief and gratitude of that... 

I don't need to get life from others. I can give it away to others.
I don't need others to fill me, I can pour out into others.
I don't need the approval of others, I can approve of others.
I don't need others to know I matter, I can make others matter
I don't need people to be interested in me, I can be interested in them.
I don't need others to applaud and celebrate my accomplishments, I can applaud and celebrate their accomplishments.

Because I already have ALL of that in my relationship with Jesus.

When I walk in to a room, I don't need to be a "HERE I AM!" kind of person, I can be a "THERE YOU ARE!!" kind of person. Because God already sees me and His attention is on me.

I want to be free and at rest in my identity in Christ, so that others will be at rest and free to be themselves around me.
I don't want to sell people on myself, I want to sell them on themselves in Christ.

I fail to do this so often (which makes his grace all the more rich to me). But this is what I hope to do and be.

When our lives are being filled up by the Gospel every day, when we allow ourselves to be poured into by God's Spirit and receive all of his approval, acceptance, attention, and applause for us in Jesus.... then our lives will inevitably overflow the Gospel.

The Unfairness of the Gospel

"Today you will be with me in paradise is what Jesus whispers to every dying saint." ~ a quote a read years ago in some devotional

Jesus' undeserved death was exchanged for undeserved life for me.

"God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God." ~ 2 Cor. 5:21

The Gospel is beautifully unfair.

The criminal who was hanging on the cross next to Jesus understood fairness. "We are punished justly for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man [Jesus] has done nothing wrong. Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom." ~ Luke 23:43

The moment he understood his wrong, his sin, and the punishment of death he deserved for it, that was the moment that Jesus extended the most unfair invitation. He invited a man who was about to encounter hell and life apart from God, into paradise and life with him.

"Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." What a beautifully unfair exchange.

The moment we realize that our sin deserves the punishment of death and life apart from God is the moment we can receive this most unfair invitation. The gift of paradise in living life with God and life in Christ. Unmerited, undeserved, unfair grace.

I think true paradise is knowing Christ intimately. I think we know him intimately through suffering and dying to self. When we go through suffering we get to know him in his suffering for us. When we die to ourselves and give ourselves away we are getting a taste of what Jesus did for us. The thing about dying to self is that it's essentially for others. It's serving others, giving to others, sacrificing for others, loving others, showing Christ to others.

So in essence we get to participate in the beautiful unfairness of the Gospel. When I die to myself it has the potential to give life to someone else.

"For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal bodies. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." 2 Cor. 4:11-12

What happened on the cross is bigger and deeper and more amazing than we can ever fathom. That Jesus got what we deserved and we get what he deserved. He took the punishment for everything we did wrong so that we get the reward for everything he did right. 

This unfair grace, this unfair exchange, this unfair paradise with him. The word "thankful" doesn't even do my gratitude justice. I'm beyond thankful for the unfairness of the Gospel.

The Most Important Person

(This picture is of this passage in English, Spanish, and Arabic. It gives such eternal perspective!)

"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried:

"Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne and to the Lamb." Revelation 7:9-10

Can you imagine that multitude of millions praising and worshipping God? This image of everyone in all the world, in all of the history of time, dressed in white, declaring God's salvation is breath-taking. Jesus at the center of it all.

Jesus is the most important person. The most powerful person. The most beautiful person. The richest person. The most royal person. The greatest person. The most famous person. The most important person in all of the world, in all of history, in all the universe.

And one day every creature and human being will realize it and praise, worship and bow down before him. We will realize it was never about us. It was always all about him. We will be in the multitude and he will be in the center, the focal point, he will be on the throne.

And yet it is just absolutely mind-blowing that this most important person in the world wants me, loves me, sits with me every morning, wants to be with me, went to the extremes for me... died for me.

He has everything, he knows everything, he sees everything, he created everything and he wants my heart, my love, my worship. And I have his love, his grace, a relationship with him. I get him, I get to have him, to know him, to find comfort in him, to spend time with him. I get him today and for eternity. That just makes everything else so... trivial and temporary.

It's truly thrilling that this person, this God in all his glory and kingdom and beauty and light and royalty says to us, "Hang out with me today, sit with me, let me speak to you and love you today."

One day I will stand in that multitude and be in awe that I have a history, a past, a relationship, a life spent with the one who is at the center of it all, the one who we all are praising and worshipping.

This God who is the treasure treasures me.
This God who it's all about is all about me.

If that doesn't give you the deepest confidence and absolute security in who you are...
Nothing else, no one else will ever be able to give you that the way Jesus can. That makes me want to worship him, praise him, and make my life all about him.

What gratitude, what an honor that we are most important to the most important Person.

The Beauty of Christian Community

When something becomes familiar it can be easy to take for granted. When something becomes familiar it can seem to lose it's beauty.

I remember the day I moved to Memphis, it was on my 25th birthday. I wanted so badly to connect with others in Christ and to find true Christian community. I couldn't find it. It was so easy to find in college but once I was out of college it felt so hard to find. But out of that burden and desire the Young Adult Community at Hope Church was birthed. 

So I've been doing this job for 4 years now. And community has become familiar to me. The thing I used to long for, I can easily take for granted now.

But this week God has given me a new found appreciation for community. I have been able to step back and re-see, re-find and re-appreciate the value and beauty of Christian community.

Everyone wants to connect. Everyone wants to be known. Everyone wants to feel like they belong to something. That is the common denominator of everyone who walks through our doors. Everyone is in a different place spiritually and might be looking for different things in a church. But the desire to connect with others is the same.

When new people walk through those doors each week I just can't help but think about the potential that is before them to meet people and build relationships and friendships that may grow their faith and challenge them to a deeper desire to know Christ. I see potential for them to follow Jesus in new ways and to be used for his kingdom. I see potential for changed lives that will change lives. I see new opportunities to obey Jesus' greatest command: to love God and love others. I see opportunities to follow Jesus' last command: to go into all the world and make disciples. When people walk in the doors and encounter Jesus (through others, through worship, through teaching), I feel like I get to see God's kingdom come on earth.

I love getting to be a part of something like that. I LOVE connecting people to people and people to Christ. 

Over the past 4 years I've gotten to watch countless friendships and groups of friends develop. I've gotten to watch small groups form that study and grow in God's Word together. And I've gotten to see God bring relationships together where people are pushing each other towards Christ, learning to forgive, learning to love selflessly and learning to look past themselves. Some of those relationships will last the rest of their lives.

Maybe the beauty of what can happen in Christian community is that we get to taste what Jesus had in mind for us when he said, "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10

Maybe the beauty of what can happen in Christian community is that we get to be a part of the fruition of Jesus' prayers before he went to the cross, when he prayed, "that they may be one as we are one - I in them and you in me - so they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:22-23

And... it's just fun!

The Beauty of the Gospel of Jesus

The Gospel is the most beautiful thing in the world. Jesus is the most beautiful person in the world.

Like when I stop and think about the Gospel and all the riches and treasures it contains, it truly amazes me. Even after all these years of "knowing" it and believing it, I've still barely scratched the surface. There's still so much to know of it and experience of it.

This is the beauty of Jesus to me:

That he would leave his home, that I may come into his home.

That he would lose his beauty in the sight of man, that I may become beautiful in the sight of God.

That he would suffer on the cross, that I may know him as my joy.

That he would be nailed down, that I may experience freedom in him.

That he would be rejected by his Father, that I may be accepted by his Father.

That he would lose his Father's presence in his most painful hour, that I may have His presence in every hour.

That he would die a painful death, that I may live an abundant life.

That he would take the punishment of everything I did wrong, that I may receive the reward of everything he did right.

That he who knew no sin would become sin, so that when God looks upon me he sees no sin. Instead, the righteousness of Jesus.

The extremes Jesus went to for me on the cross... It's full of grace, full of unfairness (in the best way), full of love, full of complete self-sacrifice. He gave away himself for me. Sometimes it's just good to let that soak in.

Passions, Hopes, Dreams on paper

Every 3-4 years I re-evaluate my passions, hopes, and dreams for my life. There is something SO powerful is being able to define those things and write them down. There is something even MORE powerful in going back and seeing how God fulfilled the dreams he has placed in my heart over the course of my 20's.

I dream big. I can't help it, most of the dreams and hopes are things that are impossible or sound too big for a girl like me. Like one of my dreams when I was 22 was to be a part of many cultures and nations and to learn many languages. So God took me to live in Spain and be deeply involved with the lives of the people there. I spent a year and a half diving into the culture and learning Spanish. My friends would take me to their hometowns where I got to experience the people, food, and traditions in ways beyond any tourist type experience. I was even on the local news a few times! haha! And He also took me to North Africa 7 times and I got to learn a little Arabic and learn that culture and about the Islam religion. I made Muslim friends and was able to share my faith with them many times. They even taught me a little French but then told me that I should never try to never learn French cause I had a really bad American accent. :)

I believe when we stop and listen and ask him, God places dreams in our hearts. January 2, 2006, four months until I would graduate college I wrote this:

"I feel hopeless in ever figuring out my calling, where to step, what direction to take. Deep inside there is the desire to aspire to greatness, to matter on this earth. I want to shift my perspective to stop trying to find how I can matter and just make others matter. Help others aspire. As I grow in finding God and wanting him more than any of this, he will take care of me. He will exceed my dreams himself."

And on May 5, 2006, a few days before I graduated college he formed those dreams as I began to write them down. They were vague in my heart, but he had specifics in his view that would only come to fruition through steps of faith, steps into much uncertainty by his leading.

After the fruition of many of those dreams from '06, God brought me to a place again in 2009 where he wanted me to consider new dreams, hopes and passions. I wrote them down again. And over the past 4 years he brought every single one of the 9 dreams and visions and hopes I wrote down to pass. One was, "to be a part of a movement a great work of God with and in this generation." And God allowed me to help start and lead a ministry for young adults in Memphis. Even in the course of working with the Young Adult Community he gave me dreams for the ministry and fulfilled them in great ways.

I have truly seen the faithfulness of God.

So just a few days ago, God led me to do this again. I have discovered new dreams, passions and hopes for my life that truly feel impossible and too big for me. That is how I know they are dreams from God. I wrote them down. My confidence and rest comes in remembering his faithfulness and fulfillment of so many big, impossible dreams I have seen God breath life into and bring to pass in such unconventional ways.

There is just something about defining your dreams and hopes for your life and writing them down on paper. I would've forgotten some of those things. And if I would've forgotten them, I wouldn't have experienced the faithfulness of God in the fulfillment of those things.

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Luke 1:45

Master Chef and The Christian Life

I was watching Master Chef the other night and something Chef Gordon Ramsay said like just cut to my heart and convicted me and challenged me in the deepest way. I haven't been able to stop thinking about those words for the past week.

They gave all the home cooks like these really expensive langostas (small lobster/crab type of things, apparently rare and expensive and served in nice restaurants). They had 60 minutes to take that and make a dish out of it. This one guy made a simple salad with some langostas on top. In the dramatic climax of the show the angry judges threw his salad in the trash and they were like what did you do with that whole hour?? Then he said it:

"We gave you the best, we only ask for the best from you."

And in my mind I'm imagining like, "What if at the end of life we all appear before the Judge with our dish, with what we made of our life, with what we did with the gospel? What will I bring to the table?"

God gave us the best, he gave us Jesus and this amazingly rich gospel and our lives. What am I gonna make of it, what am I gonna do with it? If he gave me his best am I giving my best back? Am I using my time wisely and using opportunities and ingredients and creativity to make some thing worth tasting?

I want to bring him a dish, a life that will make him proud. Like I want to take what he's given me and invest it and multiply it and make something beautiful of it. I don't want to bring a salad that only took 5 minutes out of the 60 that I was given. I want to bring an amazing dish that took work, creativity and shows off what He has given me. I want God to say, "I gave you my best and you gave your best back." I want to invest in people, love well, serve, give my self away, make disciples with a far-reaching impact, make an eternal impact on the lives of many people. I want to sow seeds of prayer and faith and reap a harvest. I want to bear much fruit, good fruit through remaining connected to the vine and living a life of obedience to him.

I felt recently I haven't been giving my best because I have been in a pit of self pity. And so I repented of that and I asked that my suffering and pain in life would become key ingredients in the work of my life and ministry that I will bring to his table at the end of my life.

I couldn't help but relate this to the parable that Jesus tells where the master gives talents to 3 servants and 2 of them multiply the talents but the last guy buries it to keep it safe. This is what the master says about the guy who played it safe and didn't multiply the investment (kinda like salad guy):

"Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most, And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb. Throw him into utter darkness." Matt 25:28-30 (msg). "Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of, play it safe and end up holding the bag" Luke 19: 26 (msg)

"You can either multiply your life or bury it" ~ my mom

Helping God

I was reading in Matthew 8-9 this morning. I was watching how many times Jesus responds to someone's faith. Like God doesn't move in their lives until he sees their faith. And so my instant reflex, is, "Okay, what am I going to do to show God my faith, so he will respond to it?"

So I start thinking of ways I can help God answer my prayers. How can I help Jesus act in line with what I want him to do?

But when I looked more closely, the faith he responds to isn't necessarily an act of faith, it is a heart of faith. Like with the Centurion, he came to Jesus to ask him to heal his paralyzed servant. Jesus says, "I will go and heal him." And the Centurion is like, "No, don't even worry about coming all that way, just say the word and it will be done. Just like when I give orders to the soldiers under me, I know they will do it." (paraphrase)

And it says Jesus was astonished at his faith. "I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith." He didn't do anything to help Jesus, he just asked for Jesus to speak a word and he knew it could be accomplished. And so Jesus says, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.' And his servant was healed at that very hour." Matt 8:13

One interesting thing is that the Centurion didn't see the result of his faith until he got back. All he had for his journey home was the words of Jesus, telling him that it would be done. But he didn't know how Jesus would do it, he didn't know when Jesus would do it, and he didn't the see result right away.... even though it was accomplished that very hour.

Sometimes when we pray, he is working it out at that very moment, but we don't see the result right away. We just have a promise and his word to hold onto. Maybe he is responding to a heart of faith, but we just can't see the how, when, or result right away.

Right after I studied this passage, I read this in a devotional called, "Streams in the Desert":

"I once believed that after I prayed, it was my responsibility to do everything in my power to bring about the answer. Yet God taught me a better way and showed me that self-effort always hinders His work. He revealed that when I prayed and had confident trust in Him for something, he simply wanted me to wait in an attitude of praise and do only what He told me."

With the Centurion, the only thing Jesus told him to do was to "Go!" To go back home and there he would see the answer. Jesus didn't tell him to do anything that would help him accomplish the healing. On that journey home he just had to trust it was being accomplished.

"Sitting still, doing nothing except trusting in the Lord causes a feeling of uncertainty and there is often a tremendous temptation to take the battle into our own hands... Spiritual forces cannot work while we are trusting earthly forces."

Sometimes the greater act of faith is to do nothing rather than to do something that we think will help God out. And maybe in our doing nothing to help him, it forms a greater heart of faith.

An easy thing in the eyes of the Lord

When I run at the gym I watch all the people lifting weights. Whenever I see a really muscular person, my first thought is not, "wow they are so strong" my first thought is, "wow they have been through a lot of weakness."

I have 2 gym memberships (ha, I like them both, I couldn't pick just one!) In other words I pay money each month to become weak. I pay money for discipline. I pay money for exhaustion. I pay money to break down my body. After running an hour I sprint at the very end, it's really hard. When I'm done running my shirt is drenched in sweat, my face is red, my hair is wet, my body is weak. I do this to myself almost every day. Not what I would call pleasant.

I was thinking about this in relation to spiritual weakness. Nothing makes me feel more weak than an impossible situation before me. Nothing makes me feel more weak than waiting on God to do something that feels impossible.

God says to endure these hard seasons as discipline, as training. "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful." Hebrews 12:10-11. I wouldn't describe that last sprint or that last rep or that last push up as pleasant.... but painful. Yet again, I pay money for it.

So I was thinking, why do I resist God's discipline in times of spiritual weakness? Why do I resist entering into the pain, suffering and weakness of trusting him when it's so hard? Is God not using that to tone, define, mold and strengthen my spiritual self? Isn't this of more value than what I am doing every day at the gym? On top of that.. his discipline is free ha.

I was reading about an impossible situation today in 2 Kings 3. And here is what God said about it through his prophet Elisha, "This is an easy thing in the sight of the Lord..."2 Kings 3:18. I just fell in love with this verse and read it over and over.

What you see as impossible, God sees as easy. And that is so comforting to know and believe in the midst of those kind of trials.

But maybe the reason God waits to do this "easy thing" for you is to allow you to become weak, to break you down, which in turn builds you up and makes you stronger than before. Even though these moments are painful. "Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

If we can see from God's perspective, we see that there is more going on. That God cares about how he is molding us. And that really it's for our good and that we may share in his holiness. Though it's not pleasant now, it produces peace later.

If we can see from God's perspective we can endure AND we can rest in the difficulty of our situation, because "it is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord."

Savoring

Some people eat. Some people taste.

Some people endure life. Some people enjoy life.

I don't want to endure, I want to enjoy. We can choose goodness in life, of life. We don't have control of anything that happens to us, but we can control the perspective we choose to view life by.

To savor means, "to give oneself to the enjoyment of."

I want to savor life. I want to savor moments. I want to savor God. I want to choose to see all the things in my life as something that is a gift and give myself to the enjoyment of it. For example, I can choose to see my job as something I have to do. Or I can see my job as something I get to do.

And it's true with every other area of life. Even the problems. I can either see it as a gift cause it's shaping me into the image of Christ, so I will rejoice in my sufferings. Or I can see it as a burden, so I will complain and wish it away.

To enjoy, to experience to the fullest means to finalize and seal the enjoyment with PRAISE. To savor completely is to praise God. To see the beauty in situations, in experiences, and in other people, in the now, in the moment, in the present and thank God for it.

CS Lewis says, "All enjoyment spontaneously flows into praise... You, see we love to praise things we enjoy because praise is not just the expression of that joy, but also the completion of it. Our praise for God must overflow out of our joy in God. To praise God is to enjoy him to the fullest."

I can enjoy, savor, and delight in God when I believe that he delights in me.

We see this is true when we look to the cross, where Jesus exchanged his place of enjoyment in God for a place of suffering apart from God... for us. So that we could have the free, yet costly gift of salvation. And with that comes the choice to delight in, to enjoy and to savor life in Christ with God.

The story behind the launch

Tuesday night, March 26, 2012 I broke down crying in the parking lot of El Porton to my friend Wade. I felt like the Young Adult Community, the ministry that I started and invested my life in was dying. People were leaving, leaders were leaving, people were burnt out, and I felt like it was near dead and time to give up on it.

The next morning Wade gave me the passage Luke 13:6-9. It's about a man who didn't find any fruit on this one fig tree. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard to cut down the tree. The man said back basically, give me another year with it, I will dig around and it and fertilize it. If it bears no fruit then next year cut it down.

This was kinda my prayer for the ministry, God give me another year to work on it. I spent the next few months really praying and wrestling with a new vision and ministry model. I had a hundred million ideas of what to do...

But God wanted me to get to the heart of ministry first. He showed first to stop focusing on a ministry model, but on people. Then he showed me how our vision was out of order. Our vision at the time was centered on being a community and our hope was that spiritual growth would be a by-product. But God showed me how Jesus said, "Go into all the earth and make disciples." He didn't say, "Go into all the earth and make community."  I sensed him saying, if I would first focus on making disciples then fruit and discipleship would be the product, and community would become more of a by-product.

Once I got the new vision, "To reach young adults and develop disciples" then I began to look at and research what God was doing with young adults around the country. I found that God was moving in big ways in other cities. If he was doing such great things there, could he do it here?

This is when he gave me the vision to create Tuesday Nights at Hope for young adults all around the city to gather, worship, and hear God's word in a passionate way that would ignite and re-ignite their faith. To really reach out to the city and our generation and then from there create discipleship opportunities.

I spent 6 months with my girls Bible study, preparing them to lead and disciple others. I told them our group wasn't going to just end, it was going to multiply. And that is what we are about to do!

In September, Hope got behind the vision and put so much support, resource and money into it. I got a core team of 16 people together to help plan, pray, invest and run it. And tomorrow we launch this new endeavor to reach our city and our generation and make disciples who will bear fruit for God's glory (John 15:8). TEN months of praying, wrestling, planning, and praying for this. And tomorrow is the day! So much anticipation right now :)

God brought me to a low place, he let the ministry get to a low place last year in order to bring us to this new place and new season. And I just really believe we've spent this past year "digging around it and fertilizing it" so that God could bring new fruit and new life from a once dying tree.

Me and 2pac

I LOVE 2PAC!! His music is so good!!

I listen to him almost every day on my runs... along with Spanish music, Elevation worship and Drake!

I totally identify with some of his lyrics and then there are other lyrics I don't come close to identifying with. He talks about dying a lot, gangs, shootings, gangster parties, jail.. etc. I don't really identify with that haha! But I've noticed that a lot of it is about death. (Side note: I just thought of this, Hope is doing a series on "Living Well" and they will be talking about facing death in a few weeks... they could totally use some 2pac songs. ha)

But here are some lyrics that I relate to spiritually and in ministry:

"Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice, I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots." (song: Keep Ya Head Up)

This totally reminded me of Jeremiah 17:7-8. There is this imagery of a person who trusts in God and how they are like a tree planted by the water. And how it sends it's roots out by the stream. It doesn't fear when heat comes, it has no worries in a year of drought and it never fails to bear fruit.

And I just felt like one morning when I was praying God spoke to me through a play on words from those lyrics and those verses and said, "The deeper the faith, the sweeter the fruit." The more we have to trust God, rely on him and have no other provisions, he comes through, and the fruit that he produces through our faith is so much more satisfying, richer, and sweeter for having had to trust and watching him bring it about.

"Driven by my ambitions, desire higher positions, so I proceed to make G's, eternally in my mission is to be more than just a rap musician, the elevation of today's generation if I could make 'em listen, prison aint what we need, no longer stuck in greed, time to plan and strategize, my family's gotta eat." (song: Unconditional Love)

I listen to this verse all the time over and over. I identify with the phrase, "Driven by my ambitions." I have such high hopes and big dreams to see God do a great work in our city and our generation... I love the phrase, "The elevation of today's generation, if I could make them listen." If we would really listen to God's word and what he wants for us and live by it, we would be a generation who rises up and reaches people with the Gospel and makes disciples. "Time to plan and strategize" makes me think about how all the planning and strategizing that we are doing in ministry truly is about an eternal mission. So far greater than what 2pac was rapping about.

And then for obvious reasons, I just really like this chorus: "Though things change, the future's still inside of me, we must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark, so you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love." (song: Unconditional Love)

"Even in darkness light dawns for the upright.." Psalm 112:4

"God lives in us and his love is made complete in us" 1 John 4:12

My life goals at 21

Sometimes I'm just so glad I write things like this down! I was reading over my goals at 21 years old and it's challenging me to reinstate them!

August 17, 2005:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Pr 14:30

• To be at rest in God's thoughts of me, to be satisfied and at peace in Him, so instead of competing with others I will want others to win.
• To help encourage others to think more highly of themselves (in Christ) not to get them to think more highly of me.

"A cheerful heart is of good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Pr 17:22

• To be cheerful for others and about others.
• To find what is enjoyable in others and express it.

"For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." Pr 3:26

• God says I am worth the cross, to live like I am worth it!
• Confident enough to consider others better than myself.
• Confident enough to take the nature of a servant.
• Confident enough to know I am loved ultimately so I can love in actions and in truth.

"Better is an open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses." Pr 27:5-6

• To be a friend of truth and gentleness.
• To tell the truth when it hurts though helps.
• To look at how Jesus is the perfect friend to me, so I can extend true friendship with care and wisdom.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Pr 3:3

• To be so bound by God's love that I will be free to lavish it on others.
• To not give love to get love, but give love because I have already gotten it abundantly.
• To dwell on his love and write it on my heart so I will extend it to others.

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter til the full light of day."

• To live and be strengthened by grace rooted at the cross.
• That my life would communicate the gospel.

Lessons in Ministry

My mom and my dad have been in ministry for most of their lives. They have so much experience and have worked in a few different churches and they have impacted hundreds and hundreds of lives overs the years.

The past three years I have gotten to work at the same church with them. I am so thankful to have two of the most experienced leaders to go to for leadership and ministry advice any time I need it. I have learned so much by watching them lead, watching how they work in a church, and watching how they work with people. I have gone to them for so much advice and gotten to hear their mindsets and perspectives on ministry. Here are some of the lessons I have learned from them:

• "Ministry is about people not programs." ~ Mom

• When looking for leaders, look for F.A.T. people. Faithful. Available. Teachable. Look for people who are willing to serve and do whatever. When people ask for a high position or for the spot light, see if they are willing to serve with something simple first. Take time to observe people.

• One time in ministry I kept reaching out to certain people with not much response. My mom said, "Invite less, pray more."

• One time I was in my dad's office and he pulled out his trash can and showed me that he had just thrown away this thick notebook filled with a small group strategy that he had spent years and years developing in Charlotte. "This thing, these plans that I had sleepless nights over, is in the trash now, but you know what is left from it? The relationships." And he started listing off names of people. This was a good visual that ministry is about people not programs.

• My mom leads out of prayer. She teaches her leaders how to pray, she leads everything from seeking God in prayer. And so when people ask, "Why is your ministry so successful?" She says, "We pray." "Yeah but what's your strategy for growth?" "We pray." Everything she does begins and ends with prayer.

• "If you are going to work in a church, you have to REALLY love Jesus." ~ Dad

• In a small group setting, ask people history-giving questions in the beginning of your time with them. People feel comfortable talking about what they know, everyone is an expert on their past.

• Don't attach your identity to the ministry.

• Discipleship is SO important. They gave me the book, "The Master's Plan of Evangelism" that they used in their early days of ministry. This book has shaped my value for discipleship.

• Don't implement a huge change all at once. Try something once or twice, give your self room to test things before officially implementing it.

• There is an art to asking good questions in small groups, this takes time and practice to develop.

• When I'm scared about loosing my job cause not enough people are coming to things, my mom tells me I just have to rest in the fact that I'm following God, I am giving my best and then to trust God with the results.

• Take a day off to NOT work, keep it the Sabbath and let yourself rest from your work. They've never said this, I've just watched them do it for 28 years.

• The importance of keeping your own relationship with God strong and healthy by spending time alone with him every morning. Again, they don't talk much about this, I've just watched them do it for 28 years. And I believe their effectiveness in ministry stems from the vitality and richness of their own relationships with God.

Thank you Mom and Dad for these lessons and so many more through your words and your example. I love you guys and I'm thankful to learn from you!

The water fountain, Pink, and the seamstress

A few analogies I've been thinking about:

On waiting:
One day on my run I was so thirsty, it takes a good 45 minutes to get to the water fountain. The wait and the run makes the drink of water all the more satisfying, refreshing and wonderful. Before a run when I have a drink of water it's just... water... it's just a sip or two, it's not that great. But on the run, the harder and harder I run, the longer I run, the more I work up a desire for water. With each step I am getting closer and closer to the water fountain yet it feels further and further away. When I finally get there the drink is a million more times rich and satisfying and good. I don't just drink it, I pour it all over my face and my body. I never love water as much as I do on a run.

And so when you are waiting a long time on God for something, it's like the longer you wait, the harder the wait feels, the further away the thing feels. But when he finally provides, it's better and more appreciated than it would've been if you would have gotten it before you worked up a desire for it. Kinda like the drink before the run as opposed to the drink 45 minutes into the run.

"A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.." Proverbs 13:19

On idols:
One night a long time ago I was watching Behind the Music on Pink. She talked about how the ultimate experience was to have her idol, the woman she looked up to so much come to meet with her and to have understanding from a person she idolized and respected so much. She said she felt understood by someone who had changed her life. That got me thinking about us and God.

The God who wrote the Bible, who rules the universe and creatively designed us and nature and all of life, the God who conducts the movement of the stars and planets and the universe like a symphony, the God who paints the skies with the colors of sunsets and sunrises... This God put us before himself. He laid down the life of his Son for us. He has the highest voice, the highest opinion, he is the only one in the universe who should be idolized and worshipped. And He is the one who meets with you, understands exactly what you go through and he even knows why and gives meaning and purpose to those things. He "gets" you on all levels. If we believed it, if we really really believed it, it would change everything for us.

On complaining Christians:
I have these sheets that I LOVE, I have had them forever, but the corners where you put them over your mattress began to tear. So I took them to a seamstress to be sewed up. This little old woman was working there. I showed her my sheets and what I wanted fixed. And she was like, "Oh you can totally do that yourself." I was like, "No, I don't know how to sew" and in my head, I'm thinking, "That's why I'm bringing them to you. I want to pay you to fix them." But she refused to take them, instead, she taught me how to sew. She was like I'm gonna teach you how to sew them up so you don't have to waste your money here. Not a good business plan... but I learned to sew and fixed my sheets my self.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from Christians is, "I'm just not getting fed there." And I just think we kinda expect to go to church and get fixed by the words of the preacher or our experience at a church. But what if we learned to feed ourselves? What if Christians weren't so entitled to good teaching and disciplined themselves enough to sit down with the Bible and learn for themselves. And let God teach them how to hear from him and be fed by his Word with out always depending on or blaming another person for "feeding" or "not feeding" them. I think that would be good... but that's just me. Like learning to sew my own sheets :)

The Bridal Suite

Hope doesn't have many class rooms. So a few years ago when I started leading prayer meetings on Sunday mornings, since there were no rooms available, I discovered that no one used the bridal suite on Sundays. So I began to lead prayer meetings before YAC in there.

The bridal suite has become a place I spend A LOT of time in actually. I have a cubical at Hope and sometimes when I need to really focus or be in a quiet place where I won't disturb anyone, like if I have to edit a video or play a sermon to prepare in for Wed Night Bible study, I go down to the bridal suite.

Now that I have started seminary, I also use the bridal suite as a place that I do online class as well.

When I think back over the past few years, in the Bridal Suite, I have led countless prayer meetings, countless leadership team meetings, I have practiced tons of messages in front of those mirrors, in meetings with leaders I have cried as faithful leaders have moved on, and I have cried over people and their faith and walks with God. Many of my leaders have developed as leaders. Many of the greeters used to come in there and pray with us and prepare their hearts to meet new people and show Christ's love to them. We have prayed for tons of young adults by name, and made many important decisions all.. in the bridal suite.

A bridal suite is used for a bride to prepare for her wedding, for her groom. That same room has been used by many brides who are preparing to walk down the aisle. They are in there one time in their life, for a one time event of their life.

I am in there almost every day. Every day I walk out of the bridal suite, in the back of my mind, I think, "man, one day, I would love to get to use a bridal suite for it's intended purpose..."

The irony of the bridal suite for me, is that when I think more deeply about it, it really is a place of preparation for me. I believe God is using this time in my life, this time in leading a ministry and now also this time in seminary as a time of preparation for me for my future ministry.

I think that all the times I practice my messages in front of the mirrors, all the tears I shed over people, all the prayers I've prayed, all the ways I lead leaders in the bridal suite, God is preparing me not only for ministry, but he is developing my character, my leadership and my heart for... himself.

That is the beauty and the irony of the bridal suite.