being known

"There is a deep well of riches only to be found in intimacy with Christ. It is free. Yet you can only go there by giving your life, your will, yourself away." a prayer from March 6, 2008

Everyone wants to be known, to be known and still accepted, still loved. Everyone wants to be understood and identified with.

I think God puts that desire in us because we were made in his image. He knows us inside and out, he knows us intimately, everything about us, he is familiar with things about us that we don't even know about our own selves. That could be an uncomfortable thought, but it's not because he still loves us, still accepts us, still pursues us. He goes beyond that by forgiving our flaws, our sins, our messed up-ness. He goes beyond that, by laying all the ugly stuff about us on his perfect son and allowing him to die in our place. He knows us deeply and still loves us deeply.

But a relationship must go two ways. Since we desire to be known and we are made in his image, wouldn't that mean he desires to be known too? If we are to truly know him and be identified with him, then we will go through what Christ went through and that involves serving and suffering.

He gave his life away. "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mk 10:45

He gave his will away. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Lk 22:42

He gave himself away. "With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19:30

The more we suffer, the more we loose ourselves, the more we let go of our will, the more we trust him, the more we identify with him, THEN the more we will truly know him, love him, praise him and find the intimacy with Christ that we were designed for.

BEYONCE & JESUS

I wrote this a few years ago during a time when I was re-adjusting to American life after living overseas for a year and a half. I've been thinking about this recently and definitely need to be reminded of it today.

"Can you keep up?"~ Beyonce.

This one night a few years ago I was driving down 51 in Charlotte. I looked at the car next to me and this guy I used to know in college was driving next to me with his window rolled down and was looking at me waving and shouting my name. We pulled over and had a little reunion on the side of the road. So we decided to go to a bar to hang out. After that night I never saw him again. But he said one thing that stuck with me since then. He had gone to Romania and people formed this long line to receive these health supplies they were distributing. "The thing is, everyone was pushing and shoving to get to the front, everyone was fighting over there place in line. How different yet alike we all are. Everyone in the world cares about their place in line."

It's so true. I think the world paints this false illusion that we are all in competition with one another to get to the front of the line. A collective voice of advertisements, tv, magazines, billboards, songs, etc, tells us that we need to buy this, be that, and look like this in order to keep up with each other, in order to get ahead. Spend your money, time and energy on whatever it tells you you need in order to push your way to the front. Even our driving reflects this truth, who can get to the stop light first? People obey the voice with such vigor and delight because it promises life and validation at the front.

And you know what would be really ironic and hilarious? If at the end of life God nonchalantly picked up the line by both ends with the tips of his fingers and turned it around making the front the back and the back the front. Then everyone who had worked so vigorously, spending their lives fighting to get to the front of the line would find that they just lost the "competition" they thought they were in. They would find that they were last. All that hard work to get themselves ahead just put them behind. And those who spent their lives letting others in and putting others ahead of themselves were humbly, casually, carelessly, selflessly making their way to the front with out even trying.

"but many who are first will be last, and the last first." ~ Jesus

passion

Yesterday at church Tammy Oppenhuizen sang "Breath of Heaven" a Christmas song by Amy Grant. Hearing this song took me back to when I was 19 years old. I fell in love with the lyrics of this song, I listened to it year round, especially on my 3 hour drive home from college on breaks.

The lyrics are as if Mary is singing about her journey carrying Jesus before she gives birth. She says to God, "Do you wonder as your watch my face, if a wiser one should've had my place? But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan. Help me be strong. Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me."

I just think that line is probably so accurate of what was going on with Mary. If you look back through out history and all the Bible, all the people God uses are the least likely, humble and who know they are weak. People who know they need God to hold them together and who don't think so highly of themselves but think highly of God and his wisdom and his plan. "do you wonder as your watch my face, if a wiser one should've had my place?"

This song used to feel like somewhat of a prayer for me on those car rides and I haven't heard it in forever until yesterday. Since it took me back to 19 years old, I got out my journal of prayers from 2003 and began to read them. Today I'm learning from Mary and my 19 year old self. My passion for Jesus was so strong, all I wanted to do was give my life, everything, all I was and am to his plan, to him to do with whatever he wanted. I felt so unworthy and so amazed at the fact, that he chose to save me.

Most people are passionate about something, most people have something that makes them come alive, most people have something they love more than any other thing. Often those things revolve around "me" or benefit "me."

What if that passion revolved around the one who is most passionate about us? What if our passion came from a place where we knew we don't deserve to be chosen? What if that passion didn't go towards ourselves but towards a God who loves us, leads us, and calls us to the mercy of HIS plan? And if it's his plan we surrender ourselves to, then we need HIM to hold us together.

I believe that being aware of our need and unworthiness yet seeing his provision and passion for us is such a catalyst to knowing God, surrendering to God and loving God back with humble passion.

worried about many things

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." Luke 10:39

"worried and upset about many things" is a phrase describes my week last week, especially waking up in the middle of the night with so much on my mind, so many worries, stresses, issues in ministry to deal with have been running through my head.

It seems like this time of year is just so busy and frantic. So many preparations to make, so many people to shop for, places to travel, expectations to meet and this passage is just so calming when you dive into that last little phrase:

"but only one thing is needed."

What is the one thing? Jesus is referring to the thing that Mary, Martha's sister, chose earlier in the passage. "[Mary] sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made."

So you could infer that the one thing that is needed is the presence of Jesus. To sit at his feet, to listen to him. Mary was focused on the presence of Jesus. Martha was distracted from the presence of Jesus. Being focused and being distracted are completely opposite.

What causes me to worry so much are all little things and they add up, they distract me from focusing on the one thing that matters, the one thing that is needed, the presence of Jesus. We always have his presence, but we don't always practice his presence, he's always ready to speak to us, but we don't always stop and listen.

"Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." v 42

I am encouraged to stop worrying about my "many things" to trust him with those things and to practice his presence, to live in his presence, to work in his presence, and to rest in his presence. I want to "choose what is better" because I know it will not be taken away from me.

God's Favor

"The angel went to her and said, "Greetings you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you...Do not be afraid Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give him the name Jesus."Lk 1:28-30.

Favor: "excessive kindness or unfair partiality; preferential treatment."

So I have been thinking, how does one know if they have God's favor, what are signs of his favor on a person's life?

When I look deeper into Mary's story, here is the surest sign of God's favor on a life: He affirms her and then gives her something impossible to do. He gives her an honorable calling, but something that is way over her head.

He treats her with excessive kindness, calling her to be the mother of the savior of the world, but how "unfair" the challenges she will face in carrying it out. Imagine, the difficulty of explaining to others and Joseph that she was pregnant but still a virgin, the difficulty in traveling pregnant and having her baby in a barn, and the worst of all, watching her son die.

With favor comes great honor and great suffering.

When God calls me to do something challenging, unfair, or seemingly impossible, I am learning to choose to look at it as his favor on my life. He calls me to do something that is honorable but I'd rather not cause it's uncomfortable, its hard, it's not what I would choose. But he chooses it for me, knowing I will suffer, knowing I will be stretched, yet knowing I will carry out his will. And I recognize it's not about me, it's about Jesus.

Just like Mary, this calling wasn't about her, it was about Jesus.

And look at her attitude and response to God's call, "I am the Lord's servant.. May it be to me as you have said." Lk 1:38.

Recently he has called me to do something hard, something challenging and I hate to admit that my first response was so selfish, I cried and cried, saying I can't do this. But after a few weeks, I am now choosing to say, "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said." This might be hard, it may not be what I want, but it is a sign of His favor on me.

facing battles

"For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO, but our eyes are upon you." ~ 2 Chronicles 20:12

Whenever I'm facing a hard trial that just seems so overwhelming to me, I love to go back to this story in 2 Chronicles. Some of the promises God makes in this story can ring true for me in my battles too. And it also gives me something to do in response to the thing that is discouraging me, making me fear, or overwhelming me.

First here are some of the promises:

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's" v 15

"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you... Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you." v 17.

So often I want to run from my problems. I look for an escape, but here God is saying to face it, to stand firm, face it and see what He will do.

And here is the response we are to have in facing something that seems to be overwhelming or over our heads:

"After consulting the people, Jehosaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying: "Give thanks to the Lord for his love endures forever." As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men.. who were invading Judah and they were defeated." v 21-22

God told them to go into the battle, praising him, to face their situation and praise him in it. I just take so much from that, cause even as I experience things that just seem like such a battle, if I go into it praising God, he will fight it for me.

And at the end of all this it tells about how these men who won the battle went to collect the plunder, to collect everything left behind, things of great value and it was "more than they could take away." When we face our battles and allow God to fight them and we praise him in the midst, we will find more than we can take away from the experience, we will leave with more than what we went into it with.

Not only that, God will be glorified through it and we receive his peace. "The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard how the Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. And the kingdom of Jehosaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side." v 29-30