being known

"There is a deep well of riches only to be found in intimacy with Christ. It is free. Yet you can only go there by giving your life, your will, yourself away." a prayer from March 6, 2008

Everyone wants to be known, to be known and still accepted, still loved. Everyone wants to be understood and identified with.

I think God puts that desire in us because we were made in his image. He knows us inside and out, he knows us intimately, everything about us, he is familiar with things about us that we don't even know about our own selves. That could be an uncomfortable thought, but it's not because he still loves us, still accepts us, still pursues us. He goes beyond that by forgiving our flaws, our sins, our messed up-ness. He goes beyond that, by laying all the ugly stuff about us on his perfect son and allowing him to die in our place. He knows us deeply and still loves us deeply.

But a relationship must go two ways. Since we desire to be known and we are made in his image, wouldn't that mean he desires to be known too? If we are to truly know him and be identified with him, then we will go through what Christ went through and that involves serving and suffering.

He gave his life away. "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mk 10:45

He gave his will away. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Lk 22:42

He gave himself away. "With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19:30

The more we suffer, the more we loose ourselves, the more we let go of our will, the more we trust him, the more we identify with him, THEN the more we will truly know him, love him, praise him and find the intimacy with Christ that we were designed for.

BEYONCE & JESUS

I wrote this a few years ago during a time when I was re-adjusting to American life after living overseas for a year and a half. I've been thinking about this recently and definitely need to be reminded of it today.

"Can you keep up?"~ Beyonce.

This one night a few years ago I was driving down 51 in Charlotte. I looked at the car next to me and this guy I used to know in college was driving next to me with his window rolled down and was looking at me waving and shouting my name. We pulled over and had a little reunion on the side of the road. So we decided to go to a bar to hang out. After that night I never saw him again. But he said one thing that stuck with me since then. He had gone to Romania and people formed this long line to receive these health supplies they were distributing. "The thing is, everyone was pushing and shoving to get to the front, everyone was fighting over there place in line. How different yet alike we all are. Everyone in the world cares about their place in line."

It's so true. I think the world paints this false illusion that we are all in competition with one another to get to the front of the line. A collective voice of advertisements, tv, magazines, billboards, songs, etc, tells us that we need to buy this, be that, and look like this in order to keep up with each other, in order to get ahead. Spend your money, time and energy on whatever it tells you you need in order to push your way to the front. Even our driving reflects this truth, who can get to the stop light first? People obey the voice with such vigor and delight because it promises life and validation at the front.

And you know what would be really ironic and hilarious? If at the end of life God nonchalantly picked up the line by both ends with the tips of his fingers and turned it around making the front the back and the back the front. Then everyone who had worked so vigorously, spending their lives fighting to get to the front of the line would find that they just lost the "competition" they thought they were in. They would find that they were last. All that hard work to get themselves ahead just put them behind. And those who spent their lives letting others in and putting others ahead of themselves were humbly, casually, carelessly, selflessly making their way to the front with out even trying.

"but many who are first will be last, and the last first." ~ Jesus

passion

Yesterday at church Tammy Oppenhuizen sang "Breath of Heaven" a Christmas song by Amy Grant. Hearing this song took me back to when I was 19 years old. I fell in love with the lyrics of this song, I listened to it year round, especially on my 3 hour drive home from college on breaks.

The lyrics are as if Mary is singing about her journey carrying Jesus before she gives birth. She says to God, "Do you wonder as your watch my face, if a wiser one should've had my place? But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan. Help me be strong. Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me."

I just think that line is probably so accurate of what was going on with Mary. If you look back through out history and all the Bible, all the people God uses are the least likely, humble and who know they are weak. People who know they need God to hold them together and who don't think so highly of themselves but think highly of God and his wisdom and his plan. "do you wonder as your watch my face, if a wiser one should've had my place?"

This song used to feel like somewhat of a prayer for me on those car rides and I haven't heard it in forever until yesterday. Since it took me back to 19 years old, I got out my journal of prayers from 2003 and began to read them. Today I'm learning from Mary and my 19 year old self. My passion for Jesus was so strong, all I wanted to do was give my life, everything, all I was and am to his plan, to him to do with whatever he wanted. I felt so unworthy and so amazed at the fact, that he chose to save me.

Most people are passionate about something, most people have something that makes them come alive, most people have something they love more than any other thing. Often those things revolve around "me" or benefit "me."

What if that passion revolved around the one who is most passionate about us? What if our passion came from a place where we knew we don't deserve to be chosen? What if that passion didn't go towards ourselves but towards a God who loves us, leads us, and calls us to the mercy of HIS plan? And if it's his plan we surrender ourselves to, then we need HIM to hold us together.

I believe that being aware of our need and unworthiness yet seeing his provision and passion for us is such a catalyst to knowing God, surrendering to God and loving God back with humble passion.

worried about many things

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." Luke 10:39

"worried and upset about many things" is a phrase describes my week last week, especially waking up in the middle of the night with so much on my mind, so many worries, stresses, issues in ministry to deal with have been running through my head.

It seems like this time of year is just so busy and frantic. So many preparations to make, so many people to shop for, places to travel, expectations to meet and this passage is just so calming when you dive into that last little phrase:

"but only one thing is needed."

What is the one thing? Jesus is referring to the thing that Mary, Martha's sister, chose earlier in the passage. "[Mary] sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made."

So you could infer that the one thing that is needed is the presence of Jesus. To sit at his feet, to listen to him. Mary was focused on the presence of Jesus. Martha was distracted from the presence of Jesus. Being focused and being distracted are completely opposite.

What causes me to worry so much are all little things and they add up, they distract me from focusing on the one thing that matters, the one thing that is needed, the presence of Jesus. We always have his presence, but we don't always practice his presence, he's always ready to speak to us, but we don't always stop and listen.

"Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." v 42

I am encouraged to stop worrying about my "many things" to trust him with those things and to practice his presence, to live in his presence, to work in his presence, and to rest in his presence. I want to "choose what is better" because I know it will not be taken away from me.

God's Favor

"The angel went to her and said, "Greetings you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you...Do not be afraid Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give him the name Jesus."Lk 1:28-30.

Favor: "excessive kindness or unfair partiality; preferential treatment."

So I have been thinking, how does one know if they have God's favor, what are signs of his favor on a person's life?

When I look deeper into Mary's story, here is the surest sign of God's favor on a life: He affirms her and then gives her something impossible to do. He gives her an honorable calling, but something that is way over her head.

He treats her with excessive kindness, calling her to be the mother of the savior of the world, but how "unfair" the challenges she will face in carrying it out. Imagine, the difficulty of explaining to others and Joseph that she was pregnant but still a virgin, the difficulty in traveling pregnant and having her baby in a barn, and the worst of all, watching her son die.

With favor comes great honor and great suffering.

When God calls me to do something challenging, unfair, or seemingly impossible, I am learning to choose to look at it as his favor on my life. He calls me to do something that is honorable but I'd rather not cause it's uncomfortable, its hard, it's not what I would choose. But he chooses it for me, knowing I will suffer, knowing I will be stretched, yet knowing I will carry out his will. And I recognize it's not about me, it's about Jesus.

Just like Mary, this calling wasn't about her, it was about Jesus.

And look at her attitude and response to God's call, "I am the Lord's servant.. May it be to me as you have said." Lk 1:38.

Recently he has called me to do something hard, something challenging and I hate to admit that my first response was so selfish, I cried and cried, saying I can't do this. But after a few weeks, I am now choosing to say, "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said." This might be hard, it may not be what I want, but it is a sign of His favor on me.

facing battles

"For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO, but our eyes are upon you." ~ 2 Chronicles 20:12

Whenever I'm facing a hard trial that just seems so overwhelming to me, I love to go back to this story in 2 Chronicles. Some of the promises God makes in this story can ring true for me in my battles too. And it also gives me something to do in response to the thing that is discouraging me, making me fear, or overwhelming me.

First here are some of the promises:

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's" v 15

"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you... Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you." v 17.

So often I want to run from my problems. I look for an escape, but here God is saying to face it, to stand firm, face it and see what He will do.

And here is the response we are to have in facing something that seems to be overwhelming or over our heads:

"After consulting the people, Jehosaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying: "Give thanks to the Lord for his love endures forever." As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men.. who were invading Judah and they were defeated." v 21-22

God told them to go into the battle, praising him, to face their situation and praise him in it. I just take so much from that, cause even as I experience things that just seem like such a battle, if I go into it praising God, he will fight it for me.

And at the end of all this it tells about how these men who won the battle went to collect the plunder, to collect everything left behind, things of great value and it was "more than they could take away." When we face our battles and allow God to fight them and we praise him in the midst, we will find more than we can take away from the experience, we will leave with more than what we went into it with.

Not only that, God will be glorified through it and we receive his peace. "The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard how the Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. And the kingdom of Jehosaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side." v 29-30

gratitude vs. entitlement

Notes from one of my favorite sermons I've ever heard, by Pastor Steven Furtick at Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC.

"God inhabits the praises of his people." ~ Psalm 22:3
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving." ~ Psalm 100:4

1. Gratitude is never invisible or silent

When we are grateful we express it. "Out of the overflow of the mouth the heart speaks." ~ Jesus. He uses Oprah to prove this with a clip from "Oprah's Favorite Things." Where people are cheering, crying, jumping up and down, falling to the ground, because they are so grateful, so thankful when they found out they were about to receiving her favorite things. "if they can get that excited that Oprah is about to give them a pair of Uggs, popcorn, and a car, surely I should give God praise for his mercy, forgiveness, love and salvation."

2. Gratitude sustains joy and blessing

He uses the example of the pedals on a piano or on electric guitars. The pedals have the effect of sustaining the note. They drag the note out longer than the instrument. It puts an after effect on it that makes the note sweeter. Gratitude works in that way. It takes a temporary blessing and carries it out for a long term affect in your life, bringing joy and contentment. I can be thankful to God today for something he did 7 years ago, thus applying the effect pedal on the note of that blessing.

3. Gratitude begins when my sense of entitlement ends

Something that we used to see as an unbelievable perk, over time, becomes just a part of the package. We begin to feel entitled to something that once was a gift. Do you get direct deposit at work? Over time you just get used to it going in and coming out of your account. We start to think it's just a part of being on the earth, but no it's not, it's a blessing to have a job, to have a pay check. We don't deserve that.

Thru Christ we get a direct deposit. His mercies are new every morning. Every morning we wake up his mercy and love, grace, forgiveness hits your account. And over time we begin to feel entitled to it, but we aren't. God could cut that off at any moment, but he doesn't cause he loves you and he's good.

"Do you want your sense of gratitude to stay sky high, keep your sense of entitlement low."

"Mature gratitude comes when we can rejoice in expected blessings and unexpected blessings."

"Gratitude has nothing to do with how good you situation is, but how good you see it to be, based on what you think you deserve."

4. Grateful people can find a blessing, enlarge a blessing or create a blessing in almost any situation.

"Ungrateful people can find a burden, enlarge a burden or create a burden in almost any situation"

"Your situation doesn't have to improve for your gratitude to increase."

happy in his work

"Whoever loves money never has money enough" ~ Ecc 5:10

I think this is true for whatever we love more than God. The concept of: If I just have a little more, then I will be happy. If I just get this, then my life will be great.

I see this in my life. I used to think if I could just move out of my parents house and live on my own, then I would be happy. Then I moved out. Then I thought, if I could just get a job, a real job, a career, then I would be happy. Then I got my dream job. Now there are still things I want and think, if I get that, then....

and deep down, I know that will never stop, unless something changes in my heart.

My dad always says, "even when you get what you want, it's not what you really wanted."

God says, "From now on I am the one who answers and satisfies him. I am like a luxuriant fruit tree. Everything you need is to be found in me." ~ Hosea 14:8 (msg)

Why do we chase after what we already have? If our hearts could only really believe how much we have in Jesus. All our desires, hopes, longings are fulfilled in him. It's just a matter of letting that truth overshadow the lie that we still need something more, just a little more.

Thinking on this helps me to stop. Stop asking and stop looking to the next thing. To begin to appreciate the present. the now. where I am at. this season. this job. this age. this day. this morning. this moment.

"Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work - this is the gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart." ~ Ecc 5:19-20

"To accept his lot" is to be content with this season of my life. "To be happy in his work" is to work with all my heart, give it all I got, to enjoy the day to day task of it, to enjoy the people and the purpose behind what I do.

To enjoy my "lot and my work" is a gift from God.

Wanting and loving God (the giver of enjoyment) more than the possessions and more than the next thing, frees me up to enjoy HIM, enjoy my work, and enjoy what he has given me.

This leads to a heart occupied with gladness.

God's training & discipline

I see so many spiritual themes in the show, "The Biggest Loser". I see themes of identity in Christ, sin, sanctification, but the one I want to write about is the theme of God's discipline.

There are three trainers, each trainer gets a team of really overweight people to work with. Those are the people they are responsible for loosing weight and becoming healthy. They push them, they invest in them, they work out with them, they don't let them stop, they yell at them, they kick them out of the gym if they won't stop holding on to the treadmill, they pretty much abuse their people and push them to their limits and then keep them going.

There was this one scene where this huge 450 pound black man was pushed so hard that he was laying on the ground crying and saying I'm not as strong as I thought, I'm the weakest one here. And Bob his trainer got really close to his face and said, "You have to see who I see that you are. I see an athlete, there is a strong athlete inside of you. That is why I am pushing you. You got here and realized you arent as strong as you thought you were, but we are going to get there together. It's about what you believe, do you trust me to get you there?" Then told him to get up.

"Endure hardship as discipline, God is treating you as sons... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:7-11

I see God doing this with us. The things he allows us to go through to train us, he uses to show us our weakness and also to help us discover our need and dependence on him. He sees what we can become, who he can make us, what we have inside of us. But it takes painful experiences to get us there. He pushes us to what feels like our limits. Through it, he is making us like him. He is making us stronger by making us weaker.

The hard part is trusting him when it feels like he's hurting us. That's when we have to hear God say to us, "You have to see who I see that you are." He sees us as he sees his son. He sees Christ in us. He uses the training to make what is true of us inwardly a reality reflected outwardly.

The transformation of their bodies reflects the ability of the trainer and the receptivity of the person being trained.

in the same way..

The transformation of our souls reflects the ability of God and our receptivity to his work in our lives.

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." ~ 1 Timothy 4:8

thoughts on doing ministry

You have to make ministry personal, but you can't take it personal.

By that statement I mean this: You pour your heart, your life, your soul, your very self into ministry and into people but when they walk away or reject you or leave you can NOT take it personally. It's such a paradox.

I've been through lots of ups and downs with people and seen SOOO many people cycle in and out. I've watched people come and love it and leave it just as fast as they came. I've chased after people, I've begged people to stay, I've held on so tightly. I think the challenge is, over time how do you continue to be open to new people, new relationships and not want to close off because, who knows how fast they will leave too?

So I look at how Jesus did ministry, specifically when people left him. "From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. You don't want to leave too, do you? Jesus asked the twelve." ~ john 6:66-67

Jesus did not chase after them. Jesus let them go. Then almost lovingly, he said, yall dont want to leave too? Like I will let you go if you do, but I love you and it would hurt.

But then you read a passage like where Jesus says, "Does he not leave the 99 in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he find it." ~ Luke 15:4

The difference here, is that the sheep is lost, the people that turned away had known him and did not choose him. I have heard the saying, "Focus on those youre trying to reach, not those you're trying to keep" I think you must focus on both, but not try to do things a certain way to keep people that would risk finding the lost.

What I am realizing is I feel loved when people love the ministry and rejected when they leave the ministry. Naturally, because it's an extension of myself. But what I am doing is throwing my self in between what God is doing with his people. It is HIS work when he draws them and it's between them when they walk away from him. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

But the the selfless way to do ministry is to give it your all, love with all you got, remain open, remain giving of yourself, risk yourself on people and expect nothing back. Some people receive it and others reject it. When people reject that, let it go, don't chase after them, don't hold on. Trust that it's between them and God, not me and them.

I can do this because Jesus on the cross loved me with all he had, he was open, he gave of himself, risked himself on me, he poured out and expected nothing back. He gave me the option to receive it or walk away from it. When I believe that, I can pour out and expect nothing back.

When I believe that, I can make ministry personal and not take it personal.

news

The Gospel means "good news." This is the only thing that has ever happened in history that is still called "news".

Everything else in history is called "history".

It is still called news because it is still relevant to all our present situations. It will always be transforming us, teaching us, growing us. It always parallels and applies to us and daily circumstances.

The Gospel is ours to look at, observe, meditate on, enjoy and be thrilled by whenever we want.

As we are always moving onto something new, the Gospel stays constant and applicable to all of our newness.

It always makes us new. It always renews.

"New mercies for today..."

Jesus is and always will be our best news.

i wrote this Oct. 6, 2005

movement & kingdom

Lately I have been overcome with a new or re-newed passion to see God's spirit work mightily in our generation. I want to see him do great things, I have high hopes and big visions to see him bring tons of people to him and grow in him. I want to see people's faith be sparked with passion and desire to really give all areas of our lives to him. I want to see deep faith, passionate faith in God stirred up in my generation.

And I get so excited for what he will do and I want to go out and see a great movement of his Spirit like today!

But in my times alone with God, he reminds me that "there is big potential in small beginnings." That the day to day work isn't always big and glorious, it is tedious, repetitive, it is obedient. It is faithful in the now, in the small, with the little.

I remember Jesus' strategy was to invest in 12 men. 12 men, not huge crowds, but 12 men who would reach the masses. Men who hung out with him all the time and even towards the end still didn't get it, still let him down. He still kept investing in them. He started small and continued with it.

Today when I was praying I was telling God how much I desire to see his kingdom come on earth, in Memphis, in my generation. And instantly his words about his kingdom came to my mind.

"The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed seed in his field." ~ Matt 13:24

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree." ~ Matt 13:31

"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field" ~ Matt 13:44

"The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls."~ Matt 13:45

Small things, small beginnings. Tedious work, continuous looking, sowing, searching, planting. Small steps, continuous investment.

Yet large results, work that was worth all they had, worth selling all they had, worth all the tedious prep work.

Work worth giving our lives to. And so I am reminded to be faithful in what I've been given to do now. Obedient in each step along the way. To not give up or quit because at the proper time we will reap a harvest. (Gal 6:9) We will see his spirit move and his kingdom come... in our generation.

sowing seeds

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." ~ Galatians 6:9

It all began with seeds and suffering.

2008 and 2009 I begged God every day for a job where I could use my passions and live a life of purpose for spreading the Gospel.

Meanwhile, I was living at home. I was working part time at a golf shop and part time filing papers. I used to cry in my cubical while entering numbers into a database. Every day I wondered why? and was this really God's plan? I wanted to do so much more with my life.

July 30, 2009 I started a Bible study on Tuesday Nights for people my age. Two other people that I barely knew came for 6 weeks, then eight people started coming.

I sowed a seed. I took a little step of faith, even though I was going through such hard trials and suffering during that time.

The next day, July 1, 2009 I told God in my prayer how random and uncomfortable it felt to lead a random group of people to study his word together. I sensed him saying to me, "But you're seeking me molly, and so nothing is random."

That Bible study, that seed grew into a full blown ministry. The Young Adult Community. It was not random.

The seeds I sowed in my suffering lead to fruit that I see multiplied in so many lives today. I am in awe of his work and his plan all along.

Especially when I remember how such a small, random action lead to such big, purposeful results.

Especially when I remember how much pain it was all started in and how it is all such a joy to be a part of now.

It really is true what Pastor Steven Furtick says, "You always reap WHAT you sow. You always reap MORE than what you sow. You always reap LATER than when you sow."

So I will just keep on sowing my little seeds...

outstretched arm

When I was 20 I became so enthralled with this concept and studied it so much. Last night at family dinner my dad said something that triggered my memories of this particular time in my life when I studied this theme in the Bible. Today it's helping me again.

First. I recall Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth, by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you."

Second. This verse takes me to Hebrews 1:2-3, "..Through [God's son] he made the universe... and he sustains all things by his powerful word."

I have this fact written next to these verses in Hebrews to help me remember he sustains my problems, my future and my life.

"The earth weighs 660,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons. A million earths can fit inside the sun. The sun is an averaged sized star. There are over 200 billion stars." By His Word he sustains all that. (For more a visual on this click here.) Meditating on this really helps me hear Him say to me about my problems, "Molly chill, I got this. If I can sustain all this, I can sustain you."

Third. The Jeremiah verse then points me in this direction. At the passover meal they drink four cups each representing or remembering four promises from God in Exodus 6:6-7 about the freedom of the Israelites. These four "I will" statements/promises were:

1. I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians.
2. I will free you from being slaves to them.
3. I will redeem you with an outstretched arm.
4. I will take you as my own people and I will be your God.

Fourth. I then fast-forward hundreds of years to the "Last Supper" in Luke 22, the Passover meal Jesus participated in right before his death. Jesus did not drink the 3rd cup at this meal. The 3rd cup symbolizes the 3rd "I will" statement: I will redeem you with an outstretched arm. Not only would he become the 3rd cup and pour out his life for our redemption, he would do it with outstretched arms on the cross.

Those arms created the universe and sustains our lives. The most humble act, arms that were nailed down was the most powerful act, arms that stretched out in order to redeem us.

lifter of my head

A few weeks ago I was listening to the radio and they had like a whole afternoon tributed to 2pac. Hearing all those songs brought back such memories of high school and especially when I was 16 and I bought 2pac's Greatest Hits CD and drove around to that all the time.

Anyways that inspired me to download that album in my itunes. And the song I put on my ipod was "Keep Ya Head Up." I listened to this song every morning on my run this week.

Meanwhile I have been focused on Psalm 3 this week. Especially verse 3, "But you are a shield around me O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head."

The concept of keeping your head up is such a picture of pride, like find your own strength, do it yourself, and push forward. The concept of God lifting your head is such a humble picture because he can't lift our heads unless they are first bowed down. Keeping your own head up doesn't admit need or weakness. When we in humility say, "I can't do it on my own strength" we admit our need. Then we get to experience someone stronger to do it for us in our weakness.

When Jesus was on the cross it says, "Jesus said, It is finished.' With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." ~ John 19:30. Jesus bowed his head and lost his spirit, so when we bow our heads, we receive his spirit.

That is just such a beautiful picture to me. Everything he calls us to do, in this case, bow our heads, he has already done to the extreme. And because he did it he got death and because he did it we get life. What an exchange.

So next time someone says, "keep your head up" I think what the Bible would imply is to actually, "bow my head down." Bow my head in trust, in humility, and in need. And then depend on the strength of the One who bowed his head in death in order to be the Lifter of my head in life.

decision making

Decision making doesn't always come easy to me. Whenever I have to make a decision the first thing I do is pick up the phone to get opinions. I go to a lot of people and over-analyze and talk and talk about the situation until I'm just more stressed out. I guess the reason I tend to do this is because I like the tangibility and instant gratification of hearing what others say I should do.

I think God is growing me in this area of making confident decisions based on his leading and guidance.

Here are the things I am learning about how to make wise decisions.

I am learning not to make important decisions right away but to give myself some time to make it wisely. This verse has been a huge help to me in being careful about the commitments I make. "It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later consider his vows." Proverbs 20:25

And instead of picking up the phone, waiting until I can go to God first. For me, early in the morning is the best time to listen in stillness because it is a new day and other thoughts aren't cluttering my head. In that time I put my trust in his ability to speak to me and my ability to hear from him. "He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." Isaiah 50:4. "He goes ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." John 10:4

Then I ask myself these questions:

1. Will it fit into the greater vision and purpose? "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm." Proverbs 4:25-26

2. Who will this affect and how will it affect them? "Be sure to know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds." Proverbs 27:23

3. Am I doing this just to look good and please people or to honor God? "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

After seeking and listening to God and asking these questions then I think it's good to take it to a person who isn't affected either way by my decision who knows me well, and ask them their thoughts on what decision I am leaning towards.

"Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance." ~ Proverbs 1:5

And once the decision is made and I feel like I've heard from God, the result is peace and a closer knit relationship with Him.

Lil Wayne and Jesus Christ

I heard a song by Lil Wayne on the radio called, "How to Love." I bought this song, I love this song. He is singing to this girl he knew when she was young and now she is older and he is watching her (in a club I assume) singing this to her:

"See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever, now you in the corner tryna put it together, how to love, how to love. See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out how to love, how to love."

It seems to me that this girl he is singing to keeps settling for different men, she seems lost and broken. Lil Wayne refers to her insecurities a few times through out the song.

In thinking about this song, I envision Jesus watching the Samaritan woman at the well. Knowing that she had been with many men, trying to find love, but never could quite figure it out. Maybe she had a lot of moments where she thought she found it, but they didn't last forever. It was temporary. That's why she went from man to man. Now she's at the well, maybe insecure, maybe broken, maybe full of shame (commentators speculate she was ashamed or hiding based on the time of day she was at the well).

Both these girls get called out about how they are living by these men watching them.

The difference is for the girl in the song, Lil Wayne can't offer her anything except to say, "I just want you to know, you deserve the best, you're beautiful." Maybe that statement is just another fleeting moment for this girl.

But the Samaritan woman gets the opposite of a fleeting moment, she gets something eternal.

Because the man watching her is Love. He is eternal and gives her something that would change her forever. Maybe in meeting Love himself, she in turn figured out "How to Love."

Maybe that is what we need... A Love that helps us figure out how to love.

How do we know him as Love? Because he sacrificed. Jesus lost the love of his Father on the cross, though he was truly beautiful, though he truly deserved the best. He took on the ugliness of our sin and received the worst, so we could have that Love.

Finding ways to meditate on the Gospel everyday will help us figure out how loved we are and in turn help us figure out "how to love." I think if we look close enough, evidence of the Gospel is all around us, even on K97, even in a love song by Lil Wayne.

Our good vs. God's good

This morning I was reading Romans 8. In Romans 8 there is one of the most famous verses of the Bible. Verse 28. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I think people like this verse so much is because it's like when something doesn't go according to my plan, when I endure suffering, that means God is going to bring me good out of it.

So then we start imagining what good he will bring out of our devastating situation. Well maybe it happened this way so that this will happen then this will happen and then in the end, I will still really get what I want! We like that cause it means I'm gonna get something good out of this pain. I'm still gonna get what I want.

The only problem with this is that we kinda ignore verse 29. Verse 29 gives us a clue into what kind of good God is actually working out. With just verse 28 it's easy to assume he is working out what is good in my eyes. Our good, our ideal, our projections into the future of what he is doing that would make us happy.

Verse 29 "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his son so that he might be the firstborn of many brothers."

The phrase I zoomed in on here is, "to be conformed to likeness of his son." Maybe the good we think we will get after suffering isn't so much an actual thing or a perfect situation. Maybe the good we get out of suffering is who we are becoming and how God is molding and shaping our character during the suffering. How he is conforming us in the likeness of Jesus.

Our idea of good is getting what we want. God's idea of good is making us like Christ.

How can he make us like Christ? Cause he made Christ like us... by that I mean this:

Christ was in a sense conformed into the likeness of man "being made in human likeness and being found in appearance of man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death on a cross." In his suffering he became unrighteous like us so that in our suffering we can become righteous like him.

And here is the beauty in all of this. Not only do we become like Christ, we end up getting what our hearts truly desire. In everything we want in life, I think what our hearts really want is to be chosen, validated, loved and esteemed by someone.

And here is what verse 30 says, "And those he predestined, he also called (chose), those he called, he also justified (validated), those he justified he also glorified (loved and esteemed)."

quotes that have impacted my life

"the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and find a way to offer it to others in the form of service. the key to realizing a dream is not to focus on success but significance." Oprah

"to be interesting, be interested." ~ John Maxwell

"if anyone could tell you the shortest, surest way to all happiness and perfection, he must tell you to make it a rule to thank and praise God for everything that happens to you. For it is certain that whatever seemingly calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing" William Law

"but the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word and embrace it and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams." ~ Mark 4:20 msg

"every single person wants to know, "Do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I'm saying matter to you? And that is the common denominator of the human experience." ~ Oprah

"one of the pitfalls of a zealous Christian is saying yes to the good instead of waiting for God's best. Take on challenges and responsibilities that God called us to do, not what others want us to do." (I think "Streams in the Desert")

"not, where can I get the most blessings? rather where can I most be a blessing?" ~ Tim Keller

"you can't control what happens to you, you can control what happens in you"

"there is no telling how far in life you can go, if you don't care who gets the credit" ~ Harry Truman

"instead of focusing on finding the right person, focus on being the right person" ~ Pastor Steven Furtick

"look at people not for who they are, but who they are to become" (not sure, I think John Maxwell)

"and if the Spirit can teach us also that there is no danger in leaving with Him the time and means of answering our prayer, our seasons of prayer will become, in truth seasons of rest" ~ O. Hallesby

"each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." ~ Gal 6:5 msg

place of abundance

"we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance." psalm 66:12

This verse is so true for me today. Looking back over the past 5 months, God had taken me through some hard storms and major pruning experiences, in my life and in my ministry.

Stability I thought I had ended up being a fleeting feeling, an illusion, a mis-step on my part, putting my hope in ever changing things. The ministry that God has put me in charge of has gone through some dramatic changes that were out of my control that burned. As well as other decisions in my control that I felt he was leading me to make... but still burned.

Fire.

In the midst of all that too, I was frustrated with God for not giving me what i thought I had to have, for not giving me what I wanted when I wanted it. Unanswered prayers hung over my head everyday and I soaked in self pity.

and water.

And recently healing has happened in my heart, re-newal in the ministry, re-newal in my attitude and perspectives, re-juvenation in my heart. As leaders develop and people are taking on roles with in the ministry I am able to show up and enjoy the fruit of it all, of all God has been pruning, and growing over time. I am able to enjoy the overflowing abundance of something which once seemed like it was being drained. New people, new excitement, new passion. God's spirit at work.

As far as unanswered prayers, God still hasn't given me what I HAD to have. He gave me something better. Contentment with out it. He has anchored my soul in Him, in his stability rather than allowing my soul to cling to fleeting waves. Contentment with him and my life just as it is. Trusting that his reasons are for a story so much bigger than my little self, my little life. I can praise him in advance for how he will unfold it all according to His story and for His greatness.

a place of abundance.

the loneliness of leadership

God has put me in a place of leadership. Being a leader was nothing I ever really sought out or longed to be, it just happened. God just seemed to orchestrate it all, he led me to and placed me in this position. I have had this job as being the leader for the Young Adult Community for over a year now. He is beginning to teach me some hard lessons about what it means to be a leader.

Right now the lesson is that "leadership is lonely". I absolutely love my job and wouldn't trade it for the world, this is just one of the challenges that comes with the territory and it is okay, I am just exploring it for the first time.

I guess part of that feeling comes from the fact that God has shown me things and given me insights to things that I can not show to everyone, but I have to make decisions based on those truths and on what is right even when people can't see my reasoning. Sometimes the reasons are simply things I cannot share in order to protect others or to avoid gossip.

In a speech called "The Loneliness of Leadership, I think Gordon B. Hinckley states it well, "The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness. I think it is inescapable. The Savior of the world was a Man who walked in loneliness. I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of loneliness than His statement: “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). There is no lonelier picture in history than of the Savior upon the cross, alone, the Redeemer of mankind, the Savior of the world, bringing to pass the Atonement, the Son of God suffering for the sins of mankind."

Looking to Jesus in his utter loneliness on the cross, losing his life, his friends, and His Father in that moment, reminds me that I have a comforter who understands everything he takes me through. But also I remember that because Christ took on this ultimate loneliness I will never have to. He will never leave me or forsake me.

This morning as I was praying I was telling God how hard it is to have people not be able to trust my decisions that I know are best for reasons that I cannot reveal. I sensed Him say to me, "Molly, welcome to my world". I was deeply convicted as I realize I myself fail to trust God for his decisions in my life, his sovereign control over my life, his reasons for things that He cannot reveal to me.

I understand now to some little degree... how lonely it must be for God to do what is right and best for us when we continue to accuse Him for not caring for us when he doesn't give us what we think we want or remove the problems we want Him to remove.

In this, I am able to trust his reason which I cannot see as he continues to allow hard things to happen and as he continues to walk with me in this loneliness of leadership he has placed me in according to his wisdom, good-will, and perfect reasons.