on suffering

(This picture is for comic releif. We were suffering from ants in our food cabinets, so I did the only logical thing, vacum them out! haha)

If there has been a consistent theme through out this training, it would be that we will experience suffering. This has been the constant thread through out our discussions since day one. In my optimism (or my fear) I have been trying to deny it…until yesterday. We had a whole training session devoted to dealing with loss and grief. I thought this won’t apply to me because I haven’t really lost any close loved ones.

They started the day by saying, “You have entered a profession of loss, you will lose your safety, your sense of home, and your proximity to a community of love and support.” This honestly makes me afraid to go and even wonder if there is a way out? In my fear I have found comfort in identifying with Christ when he said, “Father, if you are willing take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done.” Even Jesus Christ was having some of the same thoughts as I am right now. So I decided to face this and try to prepare my mind and heart instead of blocking it out because I am scared. We talked about spending time grieving these losses and inviting others to grieve with us, understanding how we process loss, and looking at what God says about suffering loss. Then he said, “But there is good news, the deeper your suffering, the deeper your joy will be. They go hand in hand. Grief and sadness are always present on the road to wisdom, joy, hope, and intimacy with God.”

So I remember the words I wrote in July 2004 about suffering, “I get to endure the hardships AND live life to the fullest all at the side of my Wonderful Counselor, the one who endured the deepest loss and the most painful suffering for me… How rich and sweet the taste of His lasting joy that is so far greater than the initial bitterness in suffering!”

He will counsel me and walk me through it a step at a time in the confidence that, “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all!” ~ (2 cor 4:17) Please pray for me in facing these realities in preparing to leave.

the first gleam of dawn

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter til the full light of day" ~ pr 4:18

"God made him who knew no sin, to be sin for us, so that IN Him we might become the righteousness of God" ~2 cor 5:21

I love mornings! they are so refreshing!

“…for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness” ~ Lam 3:23

on home

I feel at home here! I have only been in Colorado for two weeks and I feel so adapted and adjusted to this way of life. It will be hard to say good bye to this place and these people. Then I think about my last night in Memphis before I came here. I did't want to leave that place or those people I love so much. I have only lived in Memphis for 3 months and it has really become home to me through the relationships I have developed there. My home has changed so many times over the past few years, from Charlotte, to Boone, to Brazil, to Wilmington, to Memphis, and next to Spain.

When I think of what home is, I keep hearing my Mom's word's when she spoke at the women's retreat in 2003, "Home is a relationship not a place. True home is our relationship with God."

When I read Jesus' word's, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him" ~ (John 14:23) I am so undeserving and so in awe that the God of the universe, by his grace and through his son, would consider his relationship with me "home". In knowing that, I can be sure and secure that I can consider my relationship with God "home".

Then I can be at home no matter where I am. "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." ~ ps 27:4

(Above is a picture of my brother John, my sister Amy and I at home over Thanksgiving.)

one of the goals of my life

My freshman year of college I decided that one of my life goals would be to have at least one friend in every country of the world! But then I looked at a map and thought, "that's a lot of countries, how about every continent instead?" As I have been here in Colorado at this missions training I have been making friends with people who are going to countries all over the world like: Sudan, Ukraine, Malawi, Croatia, Ireland, China, Taiwan, Paraguay, Austria, Swaziland, Mexico, Kenya, Japan, Jamaica ect. So I am considering reinstating my original life goal!

a new thing!

In sending out my email updates, I realize I have so much to say and I spend so much time trying to condense it so that it is short and easy to read. I have decided to start this blog so I can post more detail for those who want to read more of my thoughts on life and preparing to move to Spain! So I am trying this new thing, a blog!