passion

Yesterday at church Tammy Oppenhuizen sang "Breath of Heaven" a Christmas song by Amy Grant. Hearing this song took me back to when I was 19 years old. I fell in love with the lyrics of this song, I listened to it year round, especially on my 3 hour drive home from college on breaks.

The lyrics are as if Mary is singing about her journey carrying Jesus before she gives birth. She says to God, "Do you wonder as your watch my face, if a wiser one should've had my place? But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan. Help me be strong. Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me."

I just think that line is probably so accurate of what was going on with Mary. If you look back through out history and all the Bible, all the people God uses are the least likely, humble and who know they are weak. People who know they need God to hold them together and who don't think so highly of themselves but think highly of God and his wisdom and his plan. "do you wonder as your watch my face, if a wiser one should've had my place?"

This song used to feel like somewhat of a prayer for me on those car rides and I haven't heard it in forever until yesterday. Since it took me back to 19 years old, I got out my journal of prayers from 2003 and began to read them. Today I'm learning from Mary and my 19 year old self. My passion for Jesus was so strong, all I wanted to do was give my life, everything, all I was and am to his plan, to him to do with whatever he wanted. I felt so unworthy and so amazed at the fact, that he chose to save me.

Most people are passionate about something, most people have something that makes them come alive, most people have something they love more than any other thing. Often those things revolve around "me" or benefit "me."

What if that passion revolved around the one who is most passionate about us? What if our passion came from a place where we knew we don't deserve to be chosen? What if that passion didn't go towards ourselves but towards a God who loves us, leads us, and calls us to the mercy of HIS plan? And if it's his plan we surrender ourselves to, then we need HIM to hold us together.

I believe that being aware of our need and unworthiness yet seeing his provision and passion for us is such a catalyst to knowing God, surrendering to God and loving God back with humble passion.