spaniards and safari

One day we were out to eat at this outside restaurant we were sitting around talking for a while after we had finished. At 2:30 a group comes in and sits down. They all order beer and I hear faint accents of Spain Spanish. My back was facing them, but I knew, especially by the beer, yes, those are my beloved people group of the world, Spaniards! I finally got the nerve to go up to them and speak with them in Spanish. It was so great meeting them and laughing with them, they were in Kenya to go on Safaris man it made me miss Espana.

When we went to the lodge where we stayed during the safari, I heard that familiar accent again. A huge group from Spain was there too. I got to know some of them, they would say certain phrases in their sentences that is just so typical spain, my heart just melted and reminded me so much of my Spanish friends. I was thinking, "oh please say that again." I talked to some of them a long time by the pool one afternoon. It was just a gift from God I feel like.

The safari's were absolutely incredible. Words and even pictures can not capture what we experienced out there. We saw hundreds of elephants right up close, a family of lions taking a nap, a field full of zebras, gazelles, antelope, and tope. Then we came upon a dead elephant. A hyena was eating it and a huge group of vultures were waiting for the hyena to leave so they could eat too. Then we saw all these giraffes start to gallop in the distance. A little one began to shake and stumble. Our driver said, "look that one is cripple." But then it fell to the ground and we drove closer. We saw that it had just been shot with a bow and arrow by a Maasai. We watched this group of giraffes lean over the fallen one and watch it slowly die. It was really sad and really crazy that we actually saw that. Our driver told us that the Maasai man shot the giraffe because one of his cows had been eaten by one of the park's lions, this was his revenge. Then we kept driving and saw so much more. The sun was setting, it was one of the top experiences of my life. breath-taking beauty.

kenya

My trip to Kenya... what to even say about something so huge... I will attempt though.

Blue sky. Bright flowers. Mysterious people. Poor land. Rich spirits. That is my first impression of Kenya. This place is filled with contrast. You see a slum yet bright beautiful flowers surrounding it. You see poverty yet joyful people. You don't see many religious signs and symbols (grand cathedrals and statues of Jesus, like I saw in Spain) but you meet people with such profound and authentic faith.

Each day we did something different and got to touch on a lot of things rather than stay focused on one place and the same people. In that, we saw and did more than I could've imagined, so I will share a few stories.

The orphanage we visited. A 15 year old boy was dying of cancer and was asked by the Make a Wish Foundation what his last wish would be. He said, "to build an orphanage in Africa." They said, "ok what is your second wish?" "To build an orphanage in Africa." "And your third wish?" "To build an orphanage in Africa." And so this boy died and left behind a legacy. As a result of his death 50 African orphans now have a place to live. The 8 of us sat in front of the kids and each one was introduced to us by name and shook each of our hands. Later we played with them and they showed us their rooms. Each has a bunk bed with a basket at the end that holds all of their belongings: a stuffed animal, towel, maybe a change of clothes. They were so sweet and we had the best time with them. As we left Pam got in the van and took off her shoes and gave them to a girl who had holes in hers.

Spring Valley. We put on a women's conference at a school/church in a slum called Spring Valley. THe people who live in this slum used to live in the city. They were poor and lived on the streets and one day they were picked up by a garbage truck and carried off to the slum. The women there were wonderful, joyful, the kids sang and danced for us. I made friends with a bunch of 11 and 12 year old girls who asked me "will you be my friend?" I struggled with the fact that we were standing up there trying to tell these women who have the hardest lives and most painful pasts to "walk by faith, not by sight" and we'd share our stories with about 1/100 of the weight that their stories held. I should be learning how to walk by faith from them! But a few days later we went back there. All of those girls began to give me letters that they had written me telling me how happy we had made them by coming to meet them. That was really neat to go back there and know we made some kind of an impact. We also got to give them lots of money that had been donated from people at Hope.

The safari.. I will have to make another blog about that.

Membley Baptist Church. This was another church we went to visit. Hayley, Ashleigh and I were able to really connect with the 17 year old girls there. During lunch we talked with them about their school and boys and things like that. We laughed together and enjoyed one another. One of them told me she wanted to share her testimony in front of everyone afterward. She started off like this, "I want to share my story for all the mothers in here. My mom was raped and had the choice to have an abortion. I am so thankful my mom didn't abort me. But she had a hard life and always tells me she wishes she would have aborted me." At the end of her story she encouraged the mothers there to love their children because she isn't loved by her mother. Then we all broke into small groups. I went with the girls that I had talked with at lunch. The ones I had been laughing with a few minutes ago and they began to share their stories with us. What intense lives, girls that have tried to commit suicide, who have been abused, who have lost their mothers and family, who are told they are worthless. Yet they all praise God at the end of their stories. I was stunned by their words and their painful pasts, yet the faith they have in God. They are only 17. I barely even knew what to say to them, except that I told them how powerful their stories are and how God can use them and valuable they each are.

ok so i have many other things to say stories to share, I will post more of them later.

story

(That picture was taken in Spain. I was reading the book I read the most while I was there, the Spanish/English dictionary. Katie was visiting me and thought it was hilarious that I just read it for fun sometimes, so she took a picture. I was smiling here, thinking "whatever katie, this is so normal!")

Whenever my mom reads a book, she always turns to the back and reads the ending first and then reads the rest of the story. Then she'll be like, guess what I read a whole book last night! And we'll joke with her, "oh yes, really? the back page and the front page? how was it?" haha

What if our lives were stories? and you could just skip to the last page and read how it will end? Would you do it? I don't know if I would, but I would definitely read ahead to the next couple of chapters. There is this deep desire to know how it's all gonna work out, because it feels secure and like we are in control when we know. I guess I am thinking about this because I find myself wanting the answers about what is next for me in life.

What if one of the greatest gifts God gives us is not letting us read ahead but only finding out a page at a time? Why would that be a gift when sometimes it feels like torture? Maybe because it means I've lost the false sense of control and I find that I, in fact, am not the one writing this story. The plot has been laid, the events have been planned and the story has already been written and I can only trust the Author with the story in which I am only a character. We find out as we go and how much more thrilling the story becomes as life takes wild twists and turns and the creativity of the author bursts through the pages of our lives.

And even more, how effectively would we play our role if we were always concerned about what will happen on the next page and in next chapter instead of fully existing in the page, the plot, the story line of "now".

I know for sure I am going to Kenya on Wednesday. My real desire lately has been to know, "God what will happen after Kenya? Will I get a job? Will this year and end and I will still be living at home?" And all I keep hearing is this: "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you... take only ways that are firm." ~pr 4:25. and "The Lord will indeed give what is good... Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps." ~ ps 85:13.

So I have arrived to a place where I can thank God and mean it, for not showing me what is next. What is right in front of me? A trip to Kenya. I can be fully there, fully engaged, fully in the moment as I am there with no worries of what is next because I believe He has gone before me, laid the plot, prepared the steps, written the next chapter. All I can know what is now. And that is a gift.

100 fold and the blue city

I was bawling at the airport as I was saying goodbye to my parents before I left America to move to Spain for the next year and a half of my life. When I hugged my dad I told him, knowing he already knew, "following God is hard." Then I stepped through security and didn't see them for the next 10 months until they came to Spain to visit me.

About 6 months later I was on a train headed to the border to get on a ferry to go to North Africa. I was with some other Americans and we were talking about when Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive 100 times as much in this present age and in the age to come, eternal life" ~ Mark 10:28. We were discussing the fact that Jesus said, "in this present age" and what did that mean, what would that look like?

We went to a town called Cheffchaouen in Morocco. This is my favorite town in Morocco because it is first of all less chaotic feeling than the rest of the country but also because the whole city is painted blue. Every building, the side walks, the doors are all covered in carolina blue paint. It is so unique. So our last night there we ate a fancy meal on the rooftop of a blue restaurant. We ate moroccan soup, fresh baked bread, cous cous, tagine and chocolate moose for dessert. As we sat on the rooftop on that warm, summer night in North Africa we watched the sunset paint the sky with bright oranges, yellow and pink as it set over the blue city.

"So this," I said, soaking in the unique-ness of everything around me in that moment, "this must be part of the 100 fold."

Remembering this gives me assurance that even as I am in another place where each day, each step feels harder, more vague, scary, and uncertain, it is worth it. That as we follow God even when it is hard, when we leave our security for His sake and entrust ourselves to His, we are promised "100 times as much in this present age and in the age to come, eternal life". And what we believe about the future affects how we live in the present. Since Jesus left his home, his father, his perfect situation and his security for our sakes it must mean we were worth it to him. Only that kind of love can draw us to do the same.

beyonce and jesus

"Can you keep up?"~ Beyonce.

This one night a few years ago I was driving down 51 in Charlotte. I looked at the car next to me and this guy I used to know in college was driving next to me with his window rolled down and was looking at me waving and shouting my name. We pulled over and had a little reunion on the side of the road. So we decided to go to a bar to hang out. After that night I never saw him again. But he said one thing that stuck with me since then. He had gone to Romania and people formed this long line to receive these health supplies they were distributing. "The thing is, everyone was pushing and shoving to get to the front, everyone was fighting over there place in line. How different yet alike we all are. Everyone in the world cares about their place in line."

It's so true. I think the world paints this false illusion that we are all in competition with one another to get to the front of the line. A collective voice of advertisements, tv, magazines, billboards, songs, etc, tells us that we need to buy this, be that, and look like this in order to keep up with each other, in order to get ahead. Spend your money, time and energy on whatever it tells you you need in order to push your way to the front. Even our driving reflects this truth, who can get to the stop light first? People obey the voice with such vigor and delight because it promises life and validation at the front.

And you know what would be really ironic and hilarious? If at the end of life God nonchalantly picked up the line by both ends with the tips of his fingers and turned it around making the front the back and the back the front. Then everyone who had worked so vigorously, spending their lives fighting to get to the front of the line would find that they just lost the "competition" they thought they were in. They would find that they were last. All that hard work to get themselves ahead just put them behind. And those who spent their lives letting others in and putting others ahead of themselves were humbly, casually, carelessly, selflessly making their way to the front with out even trying.

"but many who are first will be last, and the last first." ~ Jesus

painting with black

Value. Value is one of the basic and essential elements in art.

I paint for fun sometimes. My style is messy, large, fast strokes, lots of color and lots of value. I paint an object real dark and put the lightest, brightest colors right up next to the dark and it gives the painting depth, shape, and form, it makes the objects jump off the page. Such opposite colors make for such strong value.

So if our lives were a canvas and our expereinces were the colors and God was the artist I would say God likes to use value.

I remember the first time this ever dawned on me. I was 16 and I was in Brazil. We had about a week straight of rainy days and the last day was sunny and beautiful, that also happened to be the day we all went to the beach. And I appreciated the sunny day so much more because we had had so much rain, that I was actually thankful for the rain because it made the sun all the more enjoyable, all the more bright. Contrast.

Or the time I was on crutches and sooooo sad that I couldn’t run or walk, but after I healed every step was like an amazing expereince all of it’s own. I savored each step, I savored walking. Contrast.

Or the time I had no friends in middle school and years later realizing I had more friends than I could even count. Hundreds of friends, friends from around the world. Contrast.

Dark intensifies light, pain intensifies joy, separation intensifies reuniting, black intensifies white.

And if I look at my life now, I think maybe God is painting with black. It’s the uncertain, the unknown, the where am I going? Will I get a job? Will I know what to do? The more days go by the more I wonder if God has forgotten about me. But then I remember how he has always remembered me and I trust that even when can't see it, he is painting contrast into my life. At first I resist the dark hues, but I believe that this hard time will soon contrast with glory, “a weight of glory that far out weighs the suffering”. I think I am going thru a hard time that I will actually be thankful for later, so I choose to be thankful for it now. Value, contrast, and colors are being painted in and that will give depth, shape and form to my character and my life.

And what matters in it all is the way the art reflects the talent of the artist.

my life in memphis

I came to Memphis in November. I arrived exhausted from my travels over the previous months. I came to rest in my parents home and just be and definitely not travel. I did nothing besides rest for all of November and December I thoroughly enjoyed the holidays American style and soaked in what it was to be home for the holidays (since last year I wasn't here for any holiday).

In January I spent the first week on line all day every day looking for jobs. And every day ended in discouragement. I was feeling so detached from life and from people. I kept thinking, "I am gonna get a job in another city and leave in like a week." I soon realized that probably wasn't probable. And I got to the point where I decided to BE HERE NOW. To be fully in Memphis, fully engaged in life and in the lives of those around me. I began volunteering as a leader for the youth and college ministries. I decided to put more of an effort in making friends even though I know more than ever the cost of investment in people and the pain of goodbyes. Though I have said good bye soooo many times to soooo many people I find the cost no matter how painful is always worth it.

I spend my days differently, I usually run in the mornings which is such a gift to have time to do. Some days, I work in the kitchen at church other evenings I go up to church for youth group or college, I get to hang out, go to coffee with friends, shop with my mom on her days off and go to lunch with people. I go to coffee shops and study Spanish, one day a week I skype with one of my Spanish friends, which is awesome! I swim when I get free passes to go to the pool. The past week I have been working on a talk I gave to some of the women in the church. Sometimes I swing at the park haha, its so fun! Each week and day is different. Today Jessica and I went up to the University of Memphis and had lunch with some of the college students. And of course I spend a lot of time looking for jobs. I apply and send out resumes, mostly I try to network since that is the way most jobs seem to come about. I was reading a book about finding a job, it said, "you aren't unemployed, you are just between opportunities" haha I like that. So I guess that's where I am, "between opportunities".