story

(That picture was taken in Spain. I was reading the book I read the most while I was there, the Spanish/English dictionary. Katie was visiting me and thought it was hilarious that I just read it for fun sometimes, so she took a picture. I was smiling here, thinking "whatever katie, this is so normal!")

Whenever my mom reads a book, she always turns to the back and reads the ending first and then reads the rest of the story. Then she'll be like, guess what I read a whole book last night! And we'll joke with her, "oh yes, really? the back page and the front page? how was it?" haha

What if our lives were stories? and you could just skip to the last page and read how it will end? Would you do it? I don't know if I would, but I would definitely read ahead to the next couple of chapters. There is this deep desire to know how it's all gonna work out, because it feels secure and like we are in control when we know. I guess I am thinking about this because I find myself wanting the answers about what is next for me in life.

What if one of the greatest gifts God gives us is not letting us read ahead but only finding out a page at a time? Why would that be a gift when sometimes it feels like torture? Maybe because it means I've lost the false sense of control and I find that I, in fact, am not the one writing this story. The plot has been laid, the events have been planned and the story has already been written and I can only trust the Author with the story in which I am only a character. We find out as we go and how much more thrilling the story becomes as life takes wild twists and turns and the creativity of the author bursts through the pages of our lives.

And even more, how effectively would we play our role if we were always concerned about what will happen on the next page and in next chapter instead of fully existing in the page, the plot, the story line of "now".

I know for sure I am going to Kenya on Wednesday. My real desire lately has been to know, "God what will happen after Kenya? Will I get a job? Will this year and end and I will still be living at home?" And all I keep hearing is this: "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you... take only ways that are firm." ~pr 4:25. and "The Lord will indeed give what is good... Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps." ~ ps 85:13.

So I have arrived to a place where I can thank God and mean it, for not showing me what is next. What is right in front of me? A trip to Kenya. I can be fully there, fully engaged, fully in the moment as I am there with no worries of what is next because I believe He has gone before me, laid the plot, prepared the steps, written the next chapter. All I can know what is now. And that is a gift.