The story behind the launch

Tuesday night, March 26, 2012 I broke down crying in the parking lot of El Porton to my friend Wade. I felt like the Young Adult Community, the ministry that I started and invested my life in was dying. People were leaving, leaders were leaving, people were burnt out, and I felt like it was near dead and time to give up on it.

The next morning Wade gave me the passage Luke 13:6-9. It's about a man who didn't find any fruit on this one fig tree. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard to cut down the tree. The man said back basically, give me another year with it, I will dig around and it and fertilize it. If it bears no fruit then next year cut it down.

This was kinda my prayer for the ministry, God give me another year to work on it. I spent the next few months really praying and wrestling with a new vision and ministry model. I had a hundred million ideas of what to do...

But God wanted me to get to the heart of ministry first. He showed first to stop focusing on a ministry model, but on people. Then he showed me how our vision was out of order. Our vision at the time was centered on being a community and our hope was that spiritual growth would be a by-product. But God showed me how Jesus said, "Go into all the earth and make disciples." He didn't say, "Go into all the earth and make community."  I sensed him saying, if I would first focus on making disciples then fruit and discipleship would be the product, and community would become more of a by-product.

Once I got the new vision, "To reach young adults and develop disciples" then I began to look at and research what God was doing with young adults around the country. I found that God was moving in big ways in other cities. If he was doing such great things there, could he do it here?

This is when he gave me the vision to create Tuesday Nights at Hope for young adults all around the city to gather, worship, and hear God's word in a passionate way that would ignite and re-ignite their faith. To really reach out to the city and our generation and then from there create discipleship opportunities.

I spent 6 months with my girls Bible study, preparing them to lead and disciple others. I told them our group wasn't going to just end, it was going to multiply. And that is what we are about to do!

In September, Hope got behind the vision and put so much support, resource and money into it. I got a core team of 16 people together to help plan, pray, invest and run it. And tomorrow we launch this new endeavor to reach our city and our generation and make disciples who will bear fruit for God's glory (John 15:8). TEN months of praying, wrestling, planning, and praying for this. And tomorrow is the day! So much anticipation right now :)

God brought me to a low place, he let the ministry get to a low place last year in order to bring us to this new place and new season. And I just really believe we've spent this past year "digging around it and fertilizing it" so that God could bring new fruit and new life from a once dying tree.

Me and 2pac

I LOVE 2PAC!! His music is so good!!

I listen to him almost every day on my runs... along with Spanish music, Elevation worship and Drake!

I totally identify with some of his lyrics and then there are other lyrics I don't come close to identifying with. He talks about dying a lot, gangs, shootings, gangster parties, jail.. etc. I don't really identify with that haha! But I've noticed that a lot of it is about death. (Side note: I just thought of this, Hope is doing a series on "Living Well" and they will be talking about facing death in a few weeks... they could totally use some 2pac songs. ha)

But here are some lyrics that I relate to spiritually and in ministry:

"Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice, I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots." (song: Keep Ya Head Up)

This totally reminded me of Jeremiah 17:7-8. There is this imagery of a person who trusts in God and how they are like a tree planted by the water. And how it sends it's roots out by the stream. It doesn't fear when heat comes, it has no worries in a year of drought and it never fails to bear fruit.

And I just felt like one morning when I was praying God spoke to me through a play on words from those lyrics and those verses and said, "The deeper the faith, the sweeter the fruit." The more we have to trust God, rely on him and have no other provisions, he comes through, and the fruit that he produces through our faith is so much more satisfying, richer, and sweeter for having had to trust and watching him bring it about.

"Driven by my ambitions, desire higher positions, so I proceed to make G's, eternally in my mission is to be more than just a rap musician, the elevation of today's generation if I could make 'em listen, prison aint what we need, no longer stuck in greed, time to plan and strategize, my family's gotta eat." (song: Unconditional Love)

I listen to this verse all the time over and over. I identify with the phrase, "Driven by my ambitions." I have such high hopes and big dreams to see God do a great work in our city and our generation... I love the phrase, "The elevation of today's generation, if I could make them listen." If we would really listen to God's word and what he wants for us and live by it, we would be a generation who rises up and reaches people with the Gospel and makes disciples. "Time to plan and strategize" makes me think about how all the planning and strategizing that we are doing in ministry truly is about an eternal mission. So far greater than what 2pac was rapping about.

And then for obvious reasons, I just really like this chorus: "Though things change, the future's still inside of me, we must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark, so you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love." (song: Unconditional Love)

"Even in darkness light dawns for the upright.." Psalm 112:4

"God lives in us and his love is made complete in us" 1 John 4:12

My life goals at 21

Sometimes I'm just so glad I write things like this down! I was reading over my goals at 21 years old and it's challenging me to reinstate them!

August 17, 2005:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Pr 14:30

• To be at rest in God's thoughts of me, to be satisfied and at peace in Him, so instead of competing with others I will want others to win.
• To help encourage others to think more highly of themselves (in Christ) not to get them to think more highly of me.

"A cheerful heart is of good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Pr 17:22

• To be cheerful for others and about others.
• To find what is enjoyable in others and express it.

"For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." Pr 3:26

• God says I am worth the cross, to live like I am worth it!
• Confident enough to consider others better than myself.
• Confident enough to take the nature of a servant.
• Confident enough to know I am loved ultimately so I can love in actions and in truth.

"Better is an open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses." Pr 27:5-6

• To be a friend of truth and gentleness.
• To tell the truth when it hurts though helps.
• To look at how Jesus is the perfect friend to me, so I can extend true friendship with care and wisdom.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Pr 3:3

• To be so bound by God's love that I will be free to lavish it on others.
• To not give love to get love, but give love because I have already gotten it abundantly.
• To dwell on his love and write it on my heart so I will extend it to others.

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter til the full light of day."

• To live and be strengthened by grace rooted at the cross.
• That my life would communicate the gospel.

Lessons in Ministry

My mom and my dad have been in ministry for most of their lives. They have so much experience and have worked in a few different churches and they have impacted hundreds and hundreds of lives overs the years.

The past three years I have gotten to work at the same church with them. I am so thankful to have two of the most experienced leaders to go to for leadership and ministry advice any time I need it. I have learned so much by watching them lead, watching how they work in a church, and watching how they work with people. I have gone to them for so much advice and gotten to hear their mindsets and perspectives on ministry. Here are some of the lessons I have learned from them:

• "Ministry is about people not programs." ~ Mom

• When looking for leaders, look for F.A.T. people. Faithful. Available. Teachable. Look for people who are willing to serve and do whatever. When people ask for a high position or for the spot light, see if they are willing to serve with something simple first. Take time to observe people.

• One time in ministry I kept reaching out to certain people with not much response. My mom said, "Invite less, pray more."

• One time I was in my dad's office and he pulled out his trash can and showed me that he had just thrown away this thick notebook filled with a small group strategy that he had spent years and years developing in Charlotte. "This thing, these plans that I had sleepless nights over, is in the trash now, but you know what is left from it? The relationships." And he started listing off names of people. This was a good visual that ministry is about people not programs.

• My mom leads out of prayer. She teaches her leaders how to pray, she leads everything from seeking God in prayer. And so when people ask, "Why is your ministry so successful?" She says, "We pray." "Yeah but what's your strategy for growth?" "We pray." Everything she does begins and ends with prayer.

• "If you are going to work in a church, you have to REALLY love Jesus." ~ Dad

• In a small group setting, ask people history-giving questions in the beginning of your time with them. People feel comfortable talking about what they know, everyone is an expert on their past.

• Don't attach your identity to the ministry.

• Discipleship is SO important. They gave me the book, "The Master's Plan of Evangelism" that they used in their early days of ministry. This book has shaped my value for discipleship.

• Don't implement a huge change all at once. Try something once or twice, give your self room to test things before officially implementing it.

• There is an art to asking good questions in small groups, this takes time and practice to develop.

• When I'm scared about loosing my job cause not enough people are coming to things, my mom tells me I just have to rest in the fact that I'm following God, I am giving my best and then to trust God with the results.

• Take a day off to NOT work, keep it the Sabbath and let yourself rest from your work. They've never said this, I've just watched them do it for 28 years.

• The importance of keeping your own relationship with God strong and healthy by spending time alone with him every morning. Again, they don't talk much about this, I've just watched them do it for 28 years. And I believe their effectiveness in ministry stems from the vitality and richness of their own relationships with God.

Thank you Mom and Dad for these lessons and so many more through your words and your example. I love you guys and I'm thankful to learn from you!

The water fountain, Pink, and the seamstress

A few analogies I've been thinking about:

On waiting:
One day on my run I was so thirsty, it takes a good 45 minutes to get to the water fountain. The wait and the run makes the drink of water all the more satisfying, refreshing and wonderful. Before a run when I have a drink of water it's just... water... it's just a sip or two, it's not that great. But on the run, the harder and harder I run, the longer I run, the more I work up a desire for water. With each step I am getting closer and closer to the water fountain yet it feels further and further away. When I finally get there the drink is a million more times rich and satisfying and good. I don't just drink it, I pour it all over my face and my body. I never love water as much as I do on a run.

And so when you are waiting a long time on God for something, it's like the longer you wait, the harder the wait feels, the further away the thing feels. But when he finally provides, it's better and more appreciated than it would've been if you would have gotten it before you worked up a desire for it. Kinda like the drink before the run as opposed to the drink 45 minutes into the run.

"A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.." Proverbs 13:19

On idols:
One night a long time ago I was watching Behind the Music on Pink. She talked about how the ultimate experience was to have her idol, the woman she looked up to so much come to meet with her and to have understanding from a person she idolized and respected so much. She said she felt understood by someone who had changed her life. That got me thinking about us and God.

The God who wrote the Bible, who rules the universe and creatively designed us and nature and all of life, the God who conducts the movement of the stars and planets and the universe like a symphony, the God who paints the skies with the colors of sunsets and sunrises... This God put us before himself. He laid down the life of his Son for us. He has the highest voice, the highest opinion, he is the only one in the universe who should be idolized and worshipped. And He is the one who meets with you, understands exactly what you go through and he even knows why and gives meaning and purpose to those things. He "gets" you on all levels. If we believed it, if we really really believed it, it would change everything for us.

On complaining Christians:
I have these sheets that I LOVE, I have had them forever, but the corners where you put them over your mattress began to tear. So I took them to a seamstress to be sewed up. This little old woman was working there. I showed her my sheets and what I wanted fixed. And she was like, "Oh you can totally do that yourself." I was like, "No, I don't know how to sew" and in my head, I'm thinking, "That's why I'm bringing them to you. I want to pay you to fix them." But she refused to take them, instead, she taught me how to sew. She was like I'm gonna teach you how to sew them up so you don't have to waste your money here. Not a good business plan... but I learned to sew and fixed my sheets my self.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from Christians is, "I'm just not getting fed there." And I just think we kinda expect to go to church and get fixed by the words of the preacher or our experience at a church. But what if we learned to feed ourselves? What if Christians weren't so entitled to good teaching and disciplined themselves enough to sit down with the Bible and learn for themselves. And let God teach them how to hear from him and be fed by his Word with out always depending on or blaming another person for "feeding" or "not feeding" them. I think that would be good... but that's just me. Like learning to sew my own sheets :)

The Bridal Suite

Hope doesn't have many class rooms. So a few years ago when I started leading prayer meetings on Sunday mornings, since there were no rooms available, I discovered that no one used the bridal suite on Sundays. So I began to lead prayer meetings before YAC in there.

The bridal suite has become a place I spend A LOT of time in actually. I have a cubical at Hope and sometimes when I need to really focus or be in a quiet place where I won't disturb anyone, like if I have to edit a video or play a sermon to prepare in for Wed Night Bible study, I go down to the bridal suite.

Now that I have started seminary, I also use the bridal suite as a place that I do online class as well.

When I think back over the past few years, in the Bridal Suite, I have led countless prayer meetings, countless leadership team meetings, I have practiced tons of messages in front of those mirrors, in meetings with leaders I have cried as faithful leaders have moved on, and I have cried over people and their faith and walks with God. Many of my leaders have developed as leaders. Many of the greeters used to come in there and pray with us and prepare their hearts to meet new people and show Christ's love to them. We have prayed for tons of young adults by name, and made many important decisions all.. in the bridal suite.

A bridal suite is used for a bride to prepare for her wedding, for her groom. That same room has been used by many brides who are preparing to walk down the aisle. They are in there one time in their life, for a one time event of their life.

I am in there almost every day. Every day I walk out of the bridal suite, in the back of my mind, I think, "man, one day, I would love to get to use a bridal suite for it's intended purpose..."

The irony of the bridal suite for me, is that when I think more deeply about it, it really is a place of preparation for me. I believe God is using this time in my life, this time in leading a ministry and now also this time in seminary as a time of preparation for me for my future ministry.

I think that all the times I practice my messages in front of the mirrors, all the tears I shed over people, all the prayers I've prayed, all the ways I lead leaders in the bridal suite, God is preparing me not only for ministry, but he is developing my character, my leadership and my heart for... himself.

That is the beauty and the irony of the bridal suite.

Starting Seminary

(That's my work book and outlines)

Right before I moved to Spain, I remember thinking like, "how am I going to learn an entire language? There are so many words and grammatical things to understand, so much detail and I am not a detail person." The thought of the next time I'm in America I will be able to speak and understand Spanish was crazy to me, and I just didn't know if I could really do it.

I think about that as I start seminary. The huge books, the lectures, the reading, like the most information in the world (it feels like). How will I be able to remember all that?? It feels like such a daunting task ahead of me... 90 credit hours, I will have 3 by January. Ha! That's like saying I'm going on an hour and a half run and I've gone for 3 minutes.. haha. And sometimes I'm like, can I really do this?... It's how I felt about learning an entire language.

The thing that kept me motivated when I was learning Spanish was not the fact that I will know more, but it was the fact that it helped me relate to and communicate with the people I loved in Spain. In the front of all my Spanish journals was the verse:

"Knowledge puffs up but love builds up." 1 Corinthians 8:1.

I struggled through language learning. I was not the best at learning a language, in fact even after being there a year and a half I still confused my el's and la's. But my goal was to love well even if that meant laboring through material, studying, practicing, and spending a lot of time not understanding the jokes and conversations around me. But eventually I began to get it..

So for seminary...if it's just about information and knowledge, I won't last. But if my end goal is to love people well, to communicate the Bible better, to introduce people to Jesus better, to build other's up in ministry over the course of my life, then maybe I can do it. Maybe... I still feel overwhelmed, but I felt that way with Spanish and I did it. So maybe I can do this too.

Here is a conversation about seminary I had with my sister Amy yesterday:
Amy: How is seminary going?
Me: It's going well, it's a lot of information, but I'm learning some really cool things. I bet it will totally come in handy for speaking and stuff!
Amy: haha isn't that point??
Me: Oh yeah.. I guess so!

It will come in handy for speaking. But even more I hope it helps me know and love Jesus and his word more (not just know about him) and communicate him and his word better in whatever facet of ministry I am involved with through out my life.