My life goals at 21

Sometimes I'm just so glad I write things like this down! I was reading over my goals at 21 years old and it's challenging me to reinstate them!

August 17, 2005:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Pr 14:30

• To be at rest in God's thoughts of me, to be satisfied and at peace in Him, so instead of competing with others I will want others to win.
• To help encourage others to think more highly of themselves (in Christ) not to get them to think more highly of me.

"A cheerful heart is of good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Pr 17:22

• To be cheerful for others and about others.
• To find what is enjoyable in others and express it.

"For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." Pr 3:26

• God says I am worth the cross, to live like I am worth it!
• Confident enough to consider others better than myself.
• Confident enough to take the nature of a servant.
• Confident enough to know I am loved ultimately so I can love in actions and in truth.

"Better is an open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses." Pr 27:5-6

• To be a friend of truth and gentleness.
• To tell the truth when it hurts though helps.
• To look at how Jesus is the perfect friend to me, so I can extend true friendship with care and wisdom.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Pr 3:3

• To be so bound by God's love that I will be free to lavish it on others.
• To not give love to get love, but give love because I have already gotten it abundantly.
• To dwell on his love and write it on my heart so I will extend it to others.

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter til the full light of day."

• To live and be strengthened by grace rooted at the cross.
• That my life would communicate the gospel.

Lessons in Ministry

My mom and my dad have been in ministry for most of their lives. They have so much experience and have worked in a few different churches and they have impacted hundreds and hundreds of lives overs the years.

The past three years I have gotten to work at the same church with them. I am so thankful to have two of the most experienced leaders to go to for leadership and ministry advice any time I need it. I have learned so much by watching them lead, watching how they work in a church, and watching how they work with people. I have gone to them for so much advice and gotten to hear their mindsets and perspectives on ministry. Here are some of the lessons I have learned from them:

• "Ministry is about people not programs." ~ Mom

• When looking for leaders, look for F.A.T. people. Faithful. Available. Teachable. Look for people who are willing to serve and do whatever. When people ask for a high position or for the spot light, see if they are willing to serve with something simple first. Take time to observe people.

• One time in ministry I kept reaching out to certain people with not much response. My mom said, "Invite less, pray more."

• One time I was in my dad's office and he pulled out his trash can and showed me that he had just thrown away this thick notebook filled with a small group strategy that he had spent years and years developing in Charlotte. "This thing, these plans that I had sleepless nights over, is in the trash now, but you know what is left from it? The relationships." And he started listing off names of people. This was a good visual that ministry is about people not programs.

• My mom leads out of prayer. She teaches her leaders how to pray, she leads everything from seeking God in prayer. And so when people ask, "Why is your ministry so successful?" She says, "We pray." "Yeah but what's your strategy for growth?" "We pray." Everything she does begins and ends with prayer.

• "If you are going to work in a church, you have to REALLY love Jesus." ~ Dad

• In a small group setting, ask people history-giving questions in the beginning of your time with them. People feel comfortable talking about what they know, everyone is an expert on their past.

• Don't attach your identity to the ministry.

• Discipleship is SO important. They gave me the book, "The Master's Plan of Evangelism" that they used in their early days of ministry. This book has shaped my value for discipleship.

• Don't implement a huge change all at once. Try something once or twice, give your self room to test things before officially implementing it.

• There is an art to asking good questions in small groups, this takes time and practice to develop.

• When I'm scared about loosing my job cause not enough people are coming to things, my mom tells me I just have to rest in the fact that I'm following God, I am giving my best and then to trust God with the results.

• Take a day off to NOT work, keep it the Sabbath and let yourself rest from your work. They've never said this, I've just watched them do it for 28 years.

• The importance of keeping your own relationship with God strong and healthy by spending time alone with him every morning. Again, they don't talk much about this, I've just watched them do it for 28 years. And I believe their effectiveness in ministry stems from the vitality and richness of their own relationships with God.

Thank you Mom and Dad for these lessons and so many more through your words and your example. I love you guys and I'm thankful to learn from you!

The water fountain, Pink, and the seamstress

A few analogies I've been thinking about:

On waiting:
One day on my run I was so thirsty, it takes a good 45 minutes to get to the water fountain. The wait and the run makes the drink of water all the more satisfying, refreshing and wonderful. Before a run when I have a drink of water it's just... water... it's just a sip or two, it's not that great. But on the run, the harder and harder I run, the longer I run, the more I work up a desire for water. With each step I am getting closer and closer to the water fountain yet it feels further and further away. When I finally get there the drink is a million more times rich and satisfying and good. I don't just drink it, I pour it all over my face and my body. I never love water as much as I do on a run.

And so when you are waiting a long time on God for something, it's like the longer you wait, the harder the wait feels, the further away the thing feels. But when he finally provides, it's better and more appreciated than it would've been if you would have gotten it before you worked up a desire for it. Kinda like the drink before the run as opposed to the drink 45 minutes into the run.

"A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.." Proverbs 13:19

On idols:
One night a long time ago I was watching Behind the Music on Pink. She talked about how the ultimate experience was to have her idol, the woman she looked up to so much come to meet with her and to have understanding from a person she idolized and respected so much. She said she felt understood by someone who had changed her life. That got me thinking about us and God.

The God who wrote the Bible, who rules the universe and creatively designed us and nature and all of life, the God who conducts the movement of the stars and planets and the universe like a symphony, the God who paints the skies with the colors of sunsets and sunrises... This God put us before himself. He laid down the life of his Son for us. He has the highest voice, the highest opinion, he is the only one in the universe who should be idolized and worshipped. And He is the one who meets with you, understands exactly what you go through and he even knows why and gives meaning and purpose to those things. He "gets" you on all levels. If we believed it, if we really really believed it, it would change everything for us.

On complaining Christians:
I have these sheets that I LOVE, I have had them forever, but the corners where you put them over your mattress began to tear. So I took them to a seamstress to be sewed up. This little old woman was working there. I showed her my sheets and what I wanted fixed. And she was like, "Oh you can totally do that yourself." I was like, "No, I don't know how to sew" and in my head, I'm thinking, "That's why I'm bringing them to you. I want to pay you to fix them." But she refused to take them, instead, she taught me how to sew. She was like I'm gonna teach you how to sew them up so you don't have to waste your money here. Not a good business plan... but I learned to sew and fixed my sheets my self.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from Christians is, "I'm just not getting fed there." And I just think we kinda expect to go to church and get fixed by the words of the preacher or our experience at a church. But what if we learned to feed ourselves? What if Christians weren't so entitled to good teaching and disciplined themselves enough to sit down with the Bible and learn for themselves. And let God teach them how to hear from him and be fed by his Word with out always depending on or blaming another person for "feeding" or "not feeding" them. I think that would be good... but that's just me. Like learning to sew my own sheets :)

The Bridal Suite

Hope doesn't have many class rooms. So a few years ago when I started leading prayer meetings on Sunday mornings, since there were no rooms available, I discovered that no one used the bridal suite on Sundays. So I began to lead prayer meetings before YAC in there.

The bridal suite has become a place I spend A LOT of time in actually. I have a cubical at Hope and sometimes when I need to really focus or be in a quiet place where I won't disturb anyone, like if I have to edit a video or play a sermon to prepare in for Wed Night Bible study, I go down to the bridal suite.

Now that I have started seminary, I also use the bridal suite as a place that I do online class as well.

When I think back over the past few years, in the Bridal Suite, I have led countless prayer meetings, countless leadership team meetings, I have practiced tons of messages in front of those mirrors, in meetings with leaders I have cried as faithful leaders have moved on, and I have cried over people and their faith and walks with God. Many of my leaders have developed as leaders. Many of the greeters used to come in there and pray with us and prepare their hearts to meet new people and show Christ's love to them. We have prayed for tons of young adults by name, and made many important decisions all.. in the bridal suite.

A bridal suite is used for a bride to prepare for her wedding, for her groom. That same room has been used by many brides who are preparing to walk down the aisle. They are in there one time in their life, for a one time event of their life.

I am in there almost every day. Every day I walk out of the bridal suite, in the back of my mind, I think, "man, one day, I would love to get to use a bridal suite for it's intended purpose..."

The irony of the bridal suite for me, is that when I think more deeply about it, it really is a place of preparation for me. I believe God is using this time in my life, this time in leading a ministry and now also this time in seminary as a time of preparation for me for my future ministry.

I think that all the times I practice my messages in front of the mirrors, all the tears I shed over people, all the prayers I've prayed, all the ways I lead leaders in the bridal suite, God is preparing me not only for ministry, but he is developing my character, my leadership and my heart for... himself.

That is the beauty and the irony of the bridal suite.

Starting Seminary

(That's my work book and outlines)

Right before I moved to Spain, I remember thinking like, "how am I going to learn an entire language? There are so many words and grammatical things to understand, so much detail and I am not a detail person." The thought of the next time I'm in America I will be able to speak and understand Spanish was crazy to me, and I just didn't know if I could really do it.

I think about that as I start seminary. The huge books, the lectures, the reading, like the most information in the world (it feels like). How will I be able to remember all that?? It feels like such a daunting task ahead of me... 90 credit hours, I will have 3 by January. Ha! That's like saying I'm going on an hour and a half run and I've gone for 3 minutes.. haha. And sometimes I'm like, can I really do this?... It's how I felt about learning an entire language.

The thing that kept me motivated when I was learning Spanish was not the fact that I will know more, but it was the fact that it helped me relate to and communicate with the people I loved in Spain. In the front of all my Spanish journals was the verse:

"Knowledge puffs up but love builds up." 1 Corinthians 8:1.

I struggled through language learning. I was not the best at learning a language, in fact even after being there a year and a half I still confused my el's and la's. But my goal was to love well even if that meant laboring through material, studying, practicing, and spending a lot of time not understanding the jokes and conversations around me. But eventually I began to get it..

So for seminary...if it's just about information and knowledge, I won't last. But if my end goal is to love people well, to communicate the Bible better, to introduce people to Jesus better, to build other's up in ministry over the course of my life, then maybe I can do it. Maybe... I still feel overwhelmed, but I felt that way with Spanish and I did it. So maybe I can do this too.

Here is a conversation about seminary I had with my sister Amy yesterday:
Amy: How is seminary going?
Me: It's going well, it's a lot of information, but I'm learning some really cool things. I bet it will totally come in handy for speaking and stuff!
Amy: haha isn't that point??
Me: Oh yeah.. I guess so!

It will come in handy for speaking. But even more I hope it helps me know and love Jesus and his word more (not just know about him) and communicate him and his word better in whatever facet of ministry I am involved with through out my life.

when Jesus becomes familiar

I was reading Mark 6 and Mark 9 this morning and contrasting the two. Here are a few observations.

Mark 6:1-6 is basically about how Jesus was teaching in his hometown. And all the people were like, "Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, and Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And so Jesus basically says that prophets don't have honor in their hometowns. It says that Jesus was amazed at their lack of faith and couldn't do many miracles there.

It's almost like they grew up knowing about Jesus and knowing of him, seeing him around town, and being familiar with him from a distance that they couldn't see him for who he really was. Since they didn't expect much from him, he didn't do much there.

I wonder if our society struggles with the same thing. Everyone grows up knowing about Jesus, we see churches on every street corner and Christianity is a commonplace, ordinary part of our culture. And how does that affect our faith or lack of faith? Does that affect the way we know of him or know him?

But then you look at Mark 9. In Mark 9 Jesus leads three people who are close to him up a high mountain where they were all alone with him. And on this mountain Jesus was transformed before them. His clothes became "dazzling white" and Moses and Elijah appeared. Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them and a voice came from the cloud, "This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!"

To a few people who really knew him, really followed him, whose faith expected much of Jesus, Jesus was willing to reveal himself to them in a new light. In an unfamiliar light. They saw Jesus in a different perspective than all those people from his hometown.

I like how it says, Jesus led them up a high mountain. That shows they followed him where he led even when it was a climb, even when it was inconvenient, not easy, and away from the crowd. I think to know Jesus for who he really is, to see him in an unfamiliar light we have to follow him up the difficult paths, even when it's not easy or fun.

Also it says they were all alone with him. I think to see Jesus up close and to really know him, to actually hear God's voice, we have to get alone with him, not just be familiar with him from a distance.

"His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them... then a cloud enveloped them.." I mean nothing about that is ordinary, commonplace, or familiar.

I want to see Jesus that way, I want to see past the familiarity and see him in his glory. I want to have faith that expects much and experiences much of Jesus. I want to know him even when he leads me in ways I'd rather not go.

And if I follow him up those paths, he might possibly take me to a place where I get to know him and see his glory in an unfamiliar light.

"For God...made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God seen in the face of Jesus Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:6

you can have all this world...

Yesterday at staff meeting Bruce Caroll started playing an old hymn that I haven't heard since 2007. It took me back to a moment when I was sitting on a patio one summer evening in southern Spain where I lived at the time, where me and a bunch of Americans sang this same hymn.

The words are simple but profound. The last few lines are, "When I come to die, when I come to die, oh when I come to die, give me Jesus, give me Jesus. You can have all this world, give me Jesus, give me Jesus."

I understand the lines, "When I come to die," not in a physical sense, but more an attitude of when I come to die to my self, my selfish wants and desires, when I come to surrender my life, give me Jesus instead. In essence having and knowing Jesus is more important than any other outside thing that once took precedence.

This week I have been studying 2 Corinthians 4:1-6. Verse 6 especially stuck out to me. "For God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God seen in the face of Jesus Christ."

He made his light of knowing the glory of God shine into our hearts. When I think of seeing the glory of God on earth, I usually imagine him doing big and great things, drawing tons of people to himself.

And yet it says, his glory is actually seen in the face of Jesus.

Maybe I'm trying to find his glory in outside things, like my work, what I do, my feelings of okay-ness based on my merit or my productive-ness for him. And instead it's in the face of Jesus.

Often times I don't want to come and die, I don't want to surrender, I want what I want more than Jesus. I want this world more and I want Jesus less. And when I see that surface in my life, when I see my lack of love and sacrifice for others.... I see my sin and my need for his grace.

This week I've been listening to a lot of sermons by Pastor Judah Smith and he said this and it has just stuck with me all week: "Grace is more a person than a principle. Jesus is the personification of grace. He is the embodiment of grace. If you're looking for grace, if you want to learn about grace, if you want to study grace, if you want to understand grace, look to Jesus and look no further."

It's not about me and what I do or don't do or how I feel I'm doing or even having the right attitudes, its all about Jesus and what he has accomplished for me on the cross by God's grace.

And so the common thread through this song, this verse, and this quote that God has brought to the forefront of my mind and heart this week, is Jesus. Everything I need, everything I want is in Jesus. Everything I fail at and lack is covered in Jesus. He is the grace that I need and when I look to him, I see God's glory in his face. That makes me want to know him more.

And when I know him as God's Grace and God's Glory I can truly say, "You can have all this world, give me Jesus, give me Jesus."