decision making

Decision making doesn't always come easy to me. Whenever I have to make a decision the first thing I do is pick up the phone to get opinions. I go to a lot of people and over-analyze and talk and talk about the situation until I'm just more stressed out. I guess the reason I tend to do this is because I like the tangibility and instant gratification of hearing what others say I should do.

I think God is growing me in this area of making confident decisions based on his leading and guidance.

Here are the things I am learning about how to make wise decisions.

I am learning not to make important decisions right away but to give myself some time to make it wisely. This verse has been a huge help to me in being careful about the commitments I make. "It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later consider his vows." Proverbs 20:25

And instead of picking up the phone, waiting until I can go to God first. For me, early in the morning is the best time to listen in stillness because it is a new day and other thoughts aren't cluttering my head. In that time I put my trust in his ability to speak to me and my ability to hear from him. "He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." Isaiah 50:4. "He goes ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." John 10:4

Then I ask myself these questions:

1. Will it fit into the greater vision and purpose? "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm." Proverbs 4:25-26

2. Who will this affect and how will it affect them? "Be sure to know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds." Proverbs 27:23

3. Am I doing this just to look good and please people or to honor God? "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

After seeking and listening to God and asking these questions then I think it's good to take it to a person who isn't affected either way by my decision who knows me well, and ask them their thoughts on what decision I am leaning towards.

"Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance." ~ Proverbs 1:5

And once the decision is made and I feel like I've heard from God, the result is peace and a closer knit relationship with Him.

Lil Wayne and Jesus Christ

I heard a song by Lil Wayne on the radio called, "How to Love." I bought this song, I love this song. He is singing to this girl he knew when she was young and now she is older and he is watching her (in a club I assume) singing this to her:

"See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever, now you in the corner tryna put it together, how to love, how to love. See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out how to love, how to love."

It seems to me that this girl he is singing to keeps settling for different men, she seems lost and broken. Lil Wayne refers to her insecurities a few times through out the song.

In thinking about this song, I envision Jesus watching the Samaritan woman at the well. Knowing that she had been with many men, trying to find love, but never could quite figure it out. Maybe she had a lot of moments where she thought she found it, but they didn't last forever. It was temporary. That's why she went from man to man. Now she's at the well, maybe insecure, maybe broken, maybe full of shame (commentators speculate she was ashamed or hiding based on the time of day she was at the well).

Both these girls get called out about how they are living by these men watching them.

The difference is for the girl in the song, Lil Wayne can't offer her anything except to say, "I just want you to know, you deserve the best, you're beautiful." Maybe that statement is just another fleeting moment for this girl.

But the Samaritan woman gets the opposite of a fleeting moment, she gets something eternal.

Because the man watching her is Love. He is eternal and gives her something that would change her forever. Maybe in meeting Love himself, she in turn figured out "How to Love."

Maybe that is what we need... A Love that helps us figure out how to love.

How do we know him as Love? Because he sacrificed. Jesus lost the love of his Father on the cross, though he was truly beautiful, though he truly deserved the best. He took on the ugliness of our sin and received the worst, so we could have that Love.

Finding ways to meditate on the Gospel everyday will help us figure out how loved we are and in turn help us figure out "how to love." I think if we look close enough, evidence of the Gospel is all around us, even on K97, even in a love song by Lil Wayne.

Our good vs. God's good

This morning I was reading Romans 8. In Romans 8 there is one of the most famous verses of the Bible. Verse 28. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I think people like this verse so much is because it's like when something doesn't go according to my plan, when I endure suffering, that means God is going to bring me good out of it.

So then we start imagining what good he will bring out of our devastating situation. Well maybe it happened this way so that this will happen then this will happen and then in the end, I will still really get what I want! We like that cause it means I'm gonna get something good out of this pain. I'm still gonna get what I want.

The only problem with this is that we kinda ignore verse 29. Verse 29 gives us a clue into what kind of good God is actually working out. With just verse 28 it's easy to assume he is working out what is good in my eyes. Our good, our ideal, our projections into the future of what he is doing that would make us happy.

Verse 29 "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his son so that he might be the firstborn of many brothers."

The phrase I zoomed in on here is, "to be conformed to likeness of his son." Maybe the good we think we will get after suffering isn't so much an actual thing or a perfect situation. Maybe the good we get out of suffering is who we are becoming and how God is molding and shaping our character during the suffering. How he is conforming us in the likeness of Jesus.

Our idea of good is getting what we want. God's idea of good is making us like Christ.

How can he make us like Christ? Cause he made Christ like us... by that I mean this:

Christ was in a sense conformed into the likeness of man "being made in human likeness and being found in appearance of man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death on a cross." In his suffering he became unrighteous like us so that in our suffering we can become righteous like him.

And here is the beauty in all of this. Not only do we become like Christ, we end up getting what our hearts truly desire. In everything we want in life, I think what our hearts really want is to be chosen, validated, loved and esteemed by someone.

And here is what verse 30 says, "And those he predestined, he also called (chose), those he called, he also justified (validated), those he justified he also glorified (loved and esteemed)."

quotes that have impacted my life

"the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and find a way to offer it to others in the form of service. the key to realizing a dream is not to focus on success but significance." Oprah

"to be interesting, be interested." ~ John Maxwell

"if anyone could tell you the shortest, surest way to all happiness and perfection, he must tell you to make it a rule to thank and praise God for everything that happens to you. For it is certain that whatever seemingly calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing" William Law

"but the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word and embrace it and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams." ~ Mark 4:20 msg

"every single person wants to know, "Do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I'm saying matter to you? And that is the common denominator of the human experience." ~ Oprah

"one of the pitfalls of a zealous Christian is saying yes to the good instead of waiting for God's best. Take on challenges and responsibilities that God called us to do, not what others want us to do." (I think "Streams in the Desert")

"not, where can I get the most blessings? rather where can I most be a blessing?" ~ Tim Keller

"you can't control what happens to you, you can control what happens in you"

"there is no telling how far in life you can go, if you don't care who gets the credit" ~ Harry Truman

"instead of focusing on finding the right person, focus on being the right person" ~ Pastor Steven Furtick

"look at people not for who they are, but who they are to become" (not sure, I think John Maxwell)

"and if the Spirit can teach us also that there is no danger in leaving with Him the time and means of answering our prayer, our seasons of prayer will become, in truth seasons of rest" ~ O. Hallesby

"each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." ~ Gal 6:5 msg

place of abundance

"we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance." psalm 66:12

This verse is so true for me today. Looking back over the past 5 months, God had taken me through some hard storms and major pruning experiences, in my life and in my ministry.

Stability I thought I had ended up being a fleeting feeling, an illusion, a mis-step on my part, putting my hope in ever changing things. The ministry that God has put me in charge of has gone through some dramatic changes that were out of my control that burned. As well as other decisions in my control that I felt he was leading me to make... but still burned.

Fire.

In the midst of all that too, I was frustrated with God for not giving me what i thought I had to have, for not giving me what I wanted when I wanted it. Unanswered prayers hung over my head everyday and I soaked in self pity.

and water.

And recently healing has happened in my heart, re-newal in the ministry, re-newal in my attitude and perspectives, re-juvenation in my heart. As leaders develop and people are taking on roles with in the ministry I am able to show up and enjoy the fruit of it all, of all God has been pruning, and growing over time. I am able to enjoy the overflowing abundance of something which once seemed like it was being drained. New people, new excitement, new passion. God's spirit at work.

As far as unanswered prayers, God still hasn't given me what I HAD to have. He gave me something better. Contentment with out it. He has anchored my soul in Him, in his stability rather than allowing my soul to cling to fleeting waves. Contentment with him and my life just as it is. Trusting that his reasons are for a story so much bigger than my little self, my little life. I can praise him in advance for how he will unfold it all according to His story and for His greatness.

a place of abundance.

the loneliness of leadership

God has put me in a place of leadership. Being a leader was nothing I ever really sought out or longed to be, it just happened. God just seemed to orchestrate it all, he led me to and placed me in this position. I have had this job as being the leader for the Young Adult Community for over a year now. He is beginning to teach me some hard lessons about what it means to be a leader.

Right now the lesson is that "leadership is lonely". I absolutely love my job and wouldn't trade it for the world, this is just one of the challenges that comes with the territory and it is okay, I am just exploring it for the first time.

I guess part of that feeling comes from the fact that God has shown me things and given me insights to things that I can not show to everyone, but I have to make decisions based on those truths and on what is right even when people can't see my reasoning. Sometimes the reasons are simply things I cannot share in order to protect others or to avoid gossip.

In a speech called "The Loneliness of Leadership, I think Gordon B. Hinckley states it well, "The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness. I think it is inescapable. The Savior of the world was a Man who walked in loneliness. I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of loneliness than His statement: “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). There is no lonelier picture in history than of the Savior upon the cross, alone, the Redeemer of mankind, the Savior of the world, bringing to pass the Atonement, the Son of God suffering for the sins of mankind."

Looking to Jesus in his utter loneliness on the cross, losing his life, his friends, and His Father in that moment, reminds me that I have a comforter who understands everything he takes me through. But also I remember that because Christ took on this ultimate loneliness I will never have to. He will never leave me or forsake me.

This morning as I was praying I was telling God how hard it is to have people not be able to trust my decisions that I know are best for reasons that I cannot reveal. I sensed Him say to me, "Molly, welcome to my world". I was deeply convicted as I realize I myself fail to trust God for his decisions in my life, his sovereign control over my life, his reasons for things that He cannot reveal to me.

I understand now to some little degree... how lonely it must be for God to do what is right and best for us when we continue to accuse Him for not caring for us when he doesn't give us what we think we want or remove the problems we want Him to remove.

In this, I am able to trust his reason which I cannot see as he continues to allow hard things to happen and as he continues to walk with me in this loneliness of leadership he has placed me in according to his wisdom, good-will, and perfect reasons.

transcending

(a picture of Christmas time this year)
As I reflect on the story of the birth of Christ, this is the imagery that comes to my mind this morning.

I imagine the world going about their normal lives, except for a few... Mary, Joseph, the 3 wise men who are following this scary path of trust. I imagine God conducting this great symphony in the sky, aligning the stars and planets as he created the Bethlehem star (which was actually Jupiter- the "planet of Kings" and Venus-"the mother planet" coming in such close conjunction which became the brightest star man had ever seen) and all the math of the orbits lining perfectly to lead the wise men to find Jesus.

I imagine it being a great symphony telling the story of the climax of history, the entrance of the coming savior into the world, The King of Kings entering as a baby... in such a way we would never expect. No one understanding the grand-ness of what all is going on, it is all behind the scenes, above their heads... but God is conducting something powerful.

Maybe these few people can hear the melodies faintly like when you hear sound coming from someone else's headphones. But if one were to put them on they would hear clearly the drums, the thousands of strings, the deep bass, and high pitches coming together creating a symphony.

To the eye you see a manger and a few people and a baby. In reality it was the pinnacle of everything we have ever hoped and longed for entering our world. Our perfect God coming to our sin-stained earth in such a humble way that transcends all understanding.

The reason this imagery holds so much value to me right now... is because God has given this to me for my own life. I have been so worried and filled with anxiety lately. Thoughts and fears of God forgetting me. And over this past week, he has filled me with a peace I cannot explain. A peace that "transcends all understanding". He has given me a confidence that he is conducting something behind the scenes, above my head, he is orchestrating some story and I have no idea the greatness. I can hear it faintly like headphones I have not yet put on. So I am filled with hope, trust and praise. "Hope shall change to glad fruition, faith to sight and prayer to praise." (a few lines from the hymn, "Jesus I my cross have taken")

"Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." ~ phil 4:7 (msg)

He is so trustworthy, he is working something out in all our pain, all our uncertainty, and all our hopes. He is good. He is worthy of praise even when his work feels faint in our lives. Praise is the deepest form of trust.

"Praise almost seems to be inner health made audible." ~ C.S. Lewis.

Imagine our trusting praise mixed with his grand symphony. Faint to the ear, powerfully audible to the soul.