room of mirrors

(the pictures have nothing to do with the blog... just some fun ones from recent times)

soooo lately i've been noticing how easy it is to grow discontent... It's like there is always something more that we want. For me, i think about how for so long i wanted a job, not only a job, but a job that used my gifts and passions. Now i have that job, and I love it. So why do I find myself wanting more? It becomes so easy to loose sight of what I have, all i have that is so good in my life and search for even more. I begin to loose sight of Christ and my eyes wander to other people and see what they have and think, "if only i had that... then..."

Comparing yourself to others is one of the most life draining thing you can do to yourself. The bible says, “Envy rots the bones.” Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it to the full.”

You begin to see what you don’t have and your eyes become fixed completely on self. It is like you are in a tiny room that is so small you can’t even take a step. The walls are mirrors all around you. It gives the illusion that it should be big, spacious and full, but in reality it is only reflecting your own image over and over until you cannot look beyond your self. You cannot see others. You cannot love others. Life is sucked dry.

I am familiar with this room, I’ve been in it many times. There are many doors through which you can enter: pride, envy, selfishness, etc, but I have only found one through which I can exit. The door of Praise.

When I look up and see God who saw beyond himself enough to send Jesus, his son to die for me, I can’t help but praise him for that kind of love. When I begin to focus on all that he has given me, I can’t help but thank him. When I see how much he values me, I give thanks for the way he has made me and designed my life. Then I see clearly that none of this is about me, it is all about him. All he gives us and all he has done for us is to enable us to give back, to love him and love others, to serve others, to be free. In this realization you no longer have anything to envy rather you find that you have everything to give.

“That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.” ~ Gal 5:26 MSG

“Worship God if you want the best, worship opens doors to all his goodness.” ~ ps 34:9 MSG

the gospel

The message at YAC this sunday was so good. we're going thru a series in Galatians. this week was on Galatians 4 by my dad. Here were a few really big take aways for me.

"If you read 1 peter 1:12 it is saying that the gospel is something on which the Angles long to look into. Angels are pretty smart beings, the don't have sin in their lives, they are very wise, their knowledge of God is beyond our comprehension... so you've got to ask the question, what is it about the Gospel that would keep the angels going back to the Gospel to find new things in it? There has got to be more to it than this is just the way to get your sins forgiven."

He said for many of us we add to the Gospel. We say Christ + something else makes us feel okay with God and okay about our selves. That is self-salvation. That means that what Jesus did has no weight or power if we add to it. That is really distrust in the truth that our salvation comes by grace alone. "in other words, we feel better or worse about ourselves before God based on how well we have or haven't done in the Christian life"

my performance + other's opinions of me = self worth

"For if you and i are trying to make ourselves look good for God, ourselves, or others by saying this or that, or trying to maneuver the spotlight of people's opinions... you actually in doing so are cutting yourself off from Christ. why?? because you are no longer depending on God's grace, but upon your own self effort. You are essentially saying Christ is not sufficient enough, i need something more.

Christ + something else(something that comes from me) = ok-ness with God

Paul says it is Christ + nothing = right-ness, ok-ness with God.

So he challenged us to "strip ourselves of all the other things we use to justify ourselves, to understand that what Christ did on the cross so much so that it overwhelms every other competing desire of our hearts, and to pray that God would fill our hearts with the Holy spirit that he will reveal to us the riches of being a son or a daughter of the most high God."

He summed up with saying this isnt something that you can come back with in a week and have it down. it is a life long learning process.

simple, true and to the point. so good for us to hear! and really think hard about.

happy birthday dad

so ive decided to start posting on here again more often. today seems like a fitting day, this is for you dad! Happy birthday, I love you. here is part of a blog i posted about my dad a few years ago... its still so true

"If there is any reason I have a good concept of God as my father it is because of the way the love of dad has pointed me to the way God loves his children. I feel so thankful to have grown up under the example and love of my dad. By us watching him, he made his children fall in love with family and with God, there probably isn't anything greater than that! Through out our lives I have watched him follow God in the the closest way and taking our family along in each step of faith in His journey for us. It encourages me to do the same with my own life.

In my dad's love I have experienced what it means to be enjoyed. Dad has sacrificed himself in so many ways for us. Even as far as allowing himself to be the one we "give a hard time" when joking around. Some how he created an atmosphere of rest and fun in our home. When I remember growing up, the first image that comes to my mind is us sitting around the dinner table laughing and enjoying one another. "

It is so cool that God has lead me back to Memphis and to work at Hope where my mom and my dad both work. I always joke and say im following in the family business! haha! Almost every day I go to my dad's office and i get to sit and learn about ministry from someone who is so experienced and who God has used to impact so many lives for the Gospel. I feel so lucky to get to learn from him as I am still so new at this job.

One day I went in there crying, so stressed by the pressures of numbers and programming and he said I want to show you something: he pulled out his trash can. It was full of hundreds of papers from a huge binder. He said Molly, I spent years planning, stressing, sleepless nights over this ministry program and do you know what? it eventually came to nothing, but do you what lasted? My relationships with the people. then he began listing the names... This stuff didnt end up mattering, the relationships are what matter. Remember that." That was a powerful moment for me. My dad is soooooo wonderful and I get to learn from a great man. I'm so proud to be his daughter.

I love you dad, happy birthday!

what I am learning these days

December and January have been a whirlwind. I began a new job at Hope. It is so wonderful! I get to do what I love. But with it comes great challenges: the urge to take on way more than I can handle, over working, growing a ministry, the pressure of number goals, and people please like crazy. Two Sundays ago I felt so excited when more people than ever had come to the the young adult community. The following sunday our numbers went to a new low. I was discouraged, very discouraged.

But today I thanked God for bringing so few people last Sunday because he has done so much in my heart through that. Through it he has also given me a new vision, passion and perspective on ministry, himself and myself. As I see more of my weakness, I see more of his grace and patience with me. I also see more of his strength and his heart and his love as we walk through this together.

For Christmas my dad gives a uniquely special, thoughtful gift to each of us. Along with it comes a heart felt letter which usually makes the whole family cry because they are so full of love and thoughtfulness. "Molly, what I'm giving you was so very foundational, directive, and formative for both your mom and I in our early years of ministry, that I want you to have it as well, I hope it will be every bit as foundational and instructive and tangibly practical for you too as you learn to lead people in Christ." It was a cd set of teaching on leadership by Howard Hendricks. I have been listening and learning ALOT from it since I received this gift.

So with that teaching, the example of my parents, disappointments, some verses in Colossians, and God's treatment of me, He has infused new perspective in me.

God is showing me how he cares more about the quality of my character than the pace of my growth. He cares more about our relationship and our love than how many emails and phone calls I do in a day. He cares more about my heart than my appearance. He cares more about the quality of endurance built in me than the finish line.

And so similarly, as far as ministry goes, my perspective is changing from quantity to quality. From numbers to hearts. From tasks, plans, and projects to discipleship, spiritual growth, prayer and relationships. My mom always says, "there are only two things will last forever: the word of God and people." I want to invest in people. I want to make disciples who will go out and make more disciples, who will bear fruit and invest in more people who will then go out and do the same.... and so on and so on. I want to know and love God more. I want to be formed into the image of Christ more than I want any of the other things that come or go in ministry... to invest in what will last, people, the hearts of people.

i got a job!

(In Sept. I moved out of my parents house to a place with a friend in East Memphis. It has been so wonderful to have my own place. I appreciate it more than I ever would've before if i hadn't had to move home again after spain)

So the theme of this year, or really since I got back from Spain in Aug, 08 has been looking for a job. Reflecting over this year I remember so much confusion about where I should look, what I should do. I asked God for guidance/direction every day. I filled out so many applications, got really good at writing cover letters, tailoring my resume to suit each job I applied for. Literally hundreds of times. I walked into places with my resume, I had certain interviews where I thought surely I would get it, only to be let down.

In March I went to Africa and had a very memorable and profound moment with an African Pastor we met there. He laid his hands on me and prayed in a powerful way for God to provide a job for me that would be better than I could dream by the end of this year. He then told me he would pray every day that I would get a job.

You know what is funny, the job I got had nothing to do with any of the cover letters/resumes/online job searches and everything to do with what I was doing when I wasn't looking or trying. I wrote a couple of blogs ago about the ministry a bunch of us started at my church, Hope. That's where I was investing and pouring myself into as I was looking for jobs. A few weeks ago I met with the pastor and the COO and they told me they want me on staff. They told me that they have created a position for me, so I could work part time with the young adults (until it's big enough then I could do that full time) and part time work with the small groups.

I am thrilled to have a job, not only a job, but the job I have been doing as a volunteer because it is what I enjoy. A job where I can use my passions and gifts and work with people I love. It is quite amazing to see how God has exceeded what I had hoped for.

Friday was my first day. ANd I got sick, really sick. I have been sleeping like 14 hours each night and trying to get better all weekend before I go in on Monday. It is so interesting how each time I am about to start a new phase of life, I get sick. Like traveling to Spain to live there for the next year and a half of my life, I threw up in the plane as we were landing and was SO sick the first week or so. But as I read back over all the prayers, it is so cool to see the door finally be opened... at just the right time, just the right place. I know it will be challenging, but also rewarding just as this past uncertain, crazy year of waiting has been.

certainty in the uncertain

(there is the golf shop where I work. they have been amazing to me. it is a part time job and when i lost another part time job a few months ago they ended up giving me full time work for the month of Sept and Oct. I love the people i work with there!)

This past week has been amazing! Starting Monday, November 1 the golf shop where I work cut back my hours to part time. I wasn't on the schedule for the whole week until friday. So Monday morning I got a random text message from a personal trainer who owns some gyms in Memphis and asked me to come work part time/temp for him. I went in that day and every day I don't work at the the golf shop. I have really enjoyed that gym and getting to work in an environment I love and my boss is the nicest man.

Tuesday I received a $25 gift card to Panera Bread in the mail from Diane Mitchell which was just the greatest thing because of how much we go out to eat with the young adult ministry.

Wednesday my boss sent me to Whole Foods to pick up some things for him. When I got back I noticed that they had given me his groceries but also accidently given me some one else's groceries. I called them to try to return it and they told me to just keep it. It had 4 fish filets, coffee, turkey, cheese, cottage cheese, milk and a tangerine! Every thing i love!

Thursday my boss told me he had ordered me some new running shoes!

Sat morning when I got home from my run I had a letter sent to me in the mail with no return address. In it was a typed out letter from an anonymous person. They gave me a verse and a note telling me that God would provide for me and cash wrapped up in the note. When i opened it, I just started crying and thanking God... God had shown himself so faithful to me this week. In all these things God is showing me how much he is taking care of me. Even when I don't have a "secure" job, I am sure of my security in him. And as he has shown his faithfulness and provisions to me this week I can trust him in the moment and even more praise him in the moment, in the "uncertainty" for it is certain that he is faithful and he will provide and show the way a step at a time.

"From the fullness of His grace we have received one blessing after another" ~John 1:16

young adult community

Since January I have been meeting with different people from Hope Presbyterian church to plan, pray and talk about starting a young adult ministry at Hope. 6000 people go to this church and there has been nothing for the 20 somehthing age group until now. A few weeks ago we launched the ministry. The past few Sundays we've had our first few meetings and around 70 people have come. Our senior pastor even came up and made an appearance last Sunday to pray for us and show his support of this ministry, right before he had to preach his 4th sermon of the weekend!

This whole thing has been a really cool thing to be a part of. A core team of us has been meeting to plan and organize leadership for the ministry. Everyone has taken different roles where they are really using their different gifts and skills to make the ministry function well.

But mostly what I get from this whole thing is the joy in living for something bigger than myself. The joy in taking part in something that reaches out to people and helps them connect with one another and with God. I really can't describe the joy I get when life isn't so much about me, but when my life can be used in service to further God's kingdom on earth and to see others take part in serving and giving and growing closer to him. I am content... very content in my life right now. Im still looking for a full time job etc... but that has become something that I have learned to worry about less and trust God with so much more. Contentment and Joy have replaced worry and dissatisfaction. it is nice.