Passions, Hopes, Dreams on paper

Every 3-4 years I re-evaluate my passions, hopes, and dreams for my life. There is something SO powerful is being able to define those things and write them down. There is something even MORE powerful in going back and seeing how God fulfilled the dreams he has placed in my heart over the course of my 20's.

I dream big. I can't help it, most of the dreams and hopes are things that are impossible or sound too big for a girl like me. Like one of my dreams when I was 22 was to be a part of many cultures and nations and to learn many languages. So God took me to live in Spain and be deeply involved with the lives of the people there. I spent a year and a half diving into the culture and learning Spanish. My friends would take me to their hometowns where I got to experience the people, food, and traditions in ways beyond any tourist type experience. I was even on the local news a few times! haha! And He also took me to North Africa 7 times and I got to learn a little Arabic and learn that culture and about the Islam religion. I made Muslim friends and was able to share my faith with them many times. They even taught me a little French but then told me that I should never try to never learn French cause I had a really bad American accent. :)

I believe when we stop and listen and ask him, God places dreams in our hearts. January 2, 2006, four months until I would graduate college I wrote this:

"I feel hopeless in ever figuring out my calling, where to step, what direction to take. Deep inside there is the desire to aspire to greatness, to matter on this earth. I want to shift my perspective to stop trying to find how I can matter and just make others matter. Help others aspire. As I grow in finding God and wanting him more than any of this, he will take care of me. He will exceed my dreams himself."

And on May 5, 2006, a few days before I graduated college he formed those dreams as I began to write them down. They were vague in my heart, but he had specifics in his view that would only come to fruition through steps of faith, steps into much uncertainty by his leading.

After the fruition of many of those dreams from '06, God brought me to a place again in 2009 where he wanted me to consider new dreams, hopes and passions. I wrote them down again. And over the past 4 years he brought every single one of the 9 dreams and visions and hopes I wrote down to pass. One was, "to be a part of a movement a great work of God with and in this generation." And God allowed me to help start and lead a ministry for young adults in Memphis. Even in the course of working with the Young Adult Community he gave me dreams for the ministry and fulfilled them in great ways.

I have truly seen the faithfulness of God.

So just a few days ago, God led me to do this again. I have discovered new dreams, passions and hopes for my life that truly feel impossible and too big for me. That is how I know they are dreams from God. I wrote them down. My confidence and rest comes in remembering his faithfulness and fulfillment of so many big, impossible dreams I have seen God breath life into and bring to pass in such unconventional ways.

There is just something about defining your dreams and hopes for your life and writing them down on paper. I would've forgotten some of those things. And if I would've forgotten them, I wouldn't have experienced the faithfulness of God in the fulfillment of those things.

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Luke 1:45

Master Chef and The Christian Life

I was watching Master Chef the other night and something Chef Gordon Ramsay said like just cut to my heart and convicted me and challenged me in the deepest way. I haven't been able to stop thinking about those words for the past week.

They gave all the home cooks like these really expensive langostas (small lobster/crab type of things, apparently rare and expensive and served in nice restaurants). They had 60 minutes to take that and make a dish out of it. This one guy made a simple salad with some langostas on top. In the dramatic climax of the show the angry judges threw his salad in the trash and they were like what did you do with that whole hour?? Then he said it:

"We gave you the best, we only ask for the best from you."

And in my mind I'm imagining like, "What if at the end of life we all appear before the Judge with our dish, with what we made of our life, with what we did with the gospel? What will I bring to the table?"

God gave us the best, he gave us Jesus and this amazingly rich gospel and our lives. What am I gonna make of it, what am I gonna do with it? If he gave me his best am I giving my best back? Am I using my time wisely and using opportunities and ingredients and creativity to make some thing worth tasting?

I want to bring him a dish, a life that will make him proud. Like I want to take what he's given me and invest it and multiply it and make something beautiful of it. I don't want to bring a salad that only took 5 minutes out of the 60 that I was given. I want to bring an amazing dish that took work, creativity and shows off what He has given me. I want God to say, "I gave you my best and you gave your best back." I want to invest in people, love well, serve, give my self away, make disciples with a far-reaching impact, make an eternal impact on the lives of many people. I want to sow seeds of prayer and faith and reap a harvest. I want to bear much fruit, good fruit through remaining connected to the vine and living a life of obedience to him.

I felt recently I haven't been giving my best because I have been in a pit of self pity. And so I repented of that and I asked that my suffering and pain in life would become key ingredients in the work of my life and ministry that I will bring to his table at the end of my life.

I couldn't help but relate this to the parable that Jesus tells where the master gives talents to 3 servants and 2 of them multiply the talents but the last guy buries it to keep it safe. This is what the master says about the guy who played it safe and didn't multiply the investment (kinda like salad guy):

"Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most, And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb. Throw him into utter darkness." Matt 25:28-30 (msg). "Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of, play it safe and end up holding the bag" Luke 19: 26 (msg)

"You can either multiply your life or bury it" ~ my mom

Helping God

I was reading in Matthew 8-9 this morning. I was watching how many times Jesus responds to someone's faith. Like God doesn't move in their lives until he sees their faith. And so my instant reflex, is, "Okay, what am I going to do to show God my faith, so he will respond to it?"

So I start thinking of ways I can help God answer my prayers. How can I help Jesus act in line with what I want him to do?

But when I looked more closely, the faith he responds to isn't necessarily an act of faith, it is a heart of faith. Like with the Centurion, he came to Jesus to ask him to heal his paralyzed servant. Jesus says, "I will go and heal him." And the Centurion is like, "No, don't even worry about coming all that way, just say the word and it will be done. Just like when I give orders to the soldiers under me, I know they will do it." (paraphrase)

And it says Jesus was astonished at his faith. "I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith." He didn't do anything to help Jesus, he just asked for Jesus to speak a word and he knew it could be accomplished. And so Jesus says, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.' And his servant was healed at that very hour." Matt 8:13

One interesting thing is that the Centurion didn't see the result of his faith until he got back. All he had for his journey home was the words of Jesus, telling him that it would be done. But he didn't know how Jesus would do it, he didn't know when Jesus would do it, and he didn't the see result right away.... even though it was accomplished that very hour.

Sometimes when we pray, he is working it out at that very moment, but we don't see the result right away. We just have a promise and his word to hold onto. Maybe he is responding to a heart of faith, but we just can't see the how, when, or result right away.

Right after I studied this passage, I read this in a devotional called, "Streams in the Desert":

"I once believed that after I prayed, it was my responsibility to do everything in my power to bring about the answer. Yet God taught me a better way and showed me that self-effort always hinders His work. He revealed that when I prayed and had confident trust in Him for something, he simply wanted me to wait in an attitude of praise and do only what He told me."

With the Centurion, the only thing Jesus told him to do was to "Go!" To go back home and there he would see the answer. Jesus didn't tell him to do anything that would help him accomplish the healing. On that journey home he just had to trust it was being accomplished.

"Sitting still, doing nothing except trusting in the Lord causes a feeling of uncertainty and there is often a tremendous temptation to take the battle into our own hands... Spiritual forces cannot work while we are trusting earthly forces."

Sometimes the greater act of faith is to do nothing rather than to do something that we think will help God out. And maybe in our doing nothing to help him, it forms a greater heart of faith.

An easy thing in the eyes of the Lord

When I run at the gym I watch all the people lifting weights. Whenever I see a really muscular person, my first thought is not, "wow they are so strong" my first thought is, "wow they have been through a lot of weakness."

I have 2 gym memberships (ha, I like them both, I couldn't pick just one!) In other words I pay money each month to become weak. I pay money for discipline. I pay money for exhaustion. I pay money to break down my body. After running an hour I sprint at the very end, it's really hard. When I'm done running my shirt is drenched in sweat, my face is red, my hair is wet, my body is weak. I do this to myself almost every day. Not what I would call pleasant.

I was thinking about this in relation to spiritual weakness. Nothing makes me feel more weak than an impossible situation before me. Nothing makes me feel more weak than waiting on God to do something that feels impossible.

God says to endure these hard seasons as discipline, as training. "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful." Hebrews 12:10-11. I wouldn't describe that last sprint or that last rep or that last push up as pleasant.... but painful. Yet again, I pay money for it.

So I was thinking, why do I resist God's discipline in times of spiritual weakness? Why do I resist entering into the pain, suffering and weakness of trusting him when it's so hard? Is God not using that to tone, define, mold and strengthen my spiritual self? Isn't this of more value than what I am doing every day at the gym? On top of that.. his discipline is free ha.

I was reading about an impossible situation today in 2 Kings 3. And here is what God said about it through his prophet Elisha, "This is an easy thing in the sight of the Lord..."2 Kings 3:18. I just fell in love with this verse and read it over and over.

What you see as impossible, God sees as easy. And that is so comforting to know and believe in the midst of those kind of trials.

But maybe the reason God waits to do this "easy thing" for you is to allow you to become weak, to break you down, which in turn builds you up and makes you stronger than before. Even though these moments are painful. "Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

If we can see from God's perspective, we see that there is more going on. That God cares about how he is molding us. And that really it's for our good and that we may share in his holiness. Though it's not pleasant now, it produces peace later.

If we can see from God's perspective we can endure AND we can rest in the difficulty of our situation, because "it is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord."

Savoring

Some people eat. Some people taste.

Some people endure life. Some people enjoy life.

I don't want to endure, I want to enjoy. We can choose goodness in life, of life. We don't have control of anything that happens to us, but we can control the perspective we choose to view life by.

To savor means, "to give oneself to the enjoyment of."

I want to savor life. I want to savor moments. I want to savor God. I want to choose to see all the things in my life as something that is a gift and give myself to the enjoyment of it. For example, I can choose to see my job as something I have to do. Or I can see my job as something I get to do.

And it's true with every other area of life. Even the problems. I can either see it as a gift cause it's shaping me into the image of Christ, so I will rejoice in my sufferings. Or I can see it as a burden, so I will complain and wish it away.

To enjoy, to experience to the fullest means to finalize and seal the enjoyment with PRAISE. To savor completely is to praise God. To see the beauty in situations, in experiences, and in other people, in the now, in the moment, in the present and thank God for it.

CS Lewis says, "All enjoyment spontaneously flows into praise... You, see we love to praise things we enjoy because praise is not just the expression of that joy, but also the completion of it. Our praise for God must overflow out of our joy in God. To praise God is to enjoy him to the fullest."

I can enjoy, savor, and delight in God when I believe that he delights in me.

We see this is true when we look to the cross, where Jesus exchanged his place of enjoyment in God for a place of suffering apart from God... for us. So that we could have the free, yet costly gift of salvation. And with that comes the choice to delight in, to enjoy and to savor life in Christ with God.

The story behind the launch

Tuesday night, March 26, 2012 I broke down crying in the parking lot of El Porton to my friend Wade. I felt like the Young Adult Community, the ministry that I started and invested my life in was dying. People were leaving, leaders were leaving, people were burnt out, and I felt like it was near dead and time to give up on it.

The next morning Wade gave me the passage Luke 13:6-9. It's about a man who didn't find any fruit on this one fig tree. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard to cut down the tree. The man said back basically, give me another year with it, I will dig around and it and fertilize it. If it bears no fruit then next year cut it down.

This was kinda my prayer for the ministry, God give me another year to work on it. I spent the next few months really praying and wrestling with a new vision and ministry model. I had a hundred million ideas of what to do...

But God wanted me to get to the heart of ministry first. He showed first to stop focusing on a ministry model, but on people. Then he showed me how our vision was out of order. Our vision at the time was centered on being a community and our hope was that spiritual growth would be a by-product. But God showed me how Jesus said, "Go into all the earth and make disciples." He didn't say, "Go into all the earth and make community."  I sensed him saying, if I would first focus on making disciples then fruit and discipleship would be the product, and community would become more of a by-product.

Once I got the new vision, "To reach young adults and develop disciples" then I began to look at and research what God was doing with young adults around the country. I found that God was moving in big ways in other cities. If he was doing such great things there, could he do it here?

This is when he gave me the vision to create Tuesday Nights at Hope for young adults all around the city to gather, worship, and hear God's word in a passionate way that would ignite and re-ignite their faith. To really reach out to the city and our generation and then from there create discipleship opportunities.

I spent 6 months with my girls Bible study, preparing them to lead and disciple others. I told them our group wasn't going to just end, it was going to multiply. And that is what we are about to do!

In September, Hope got behind the vision and put so much support, resource and money into it. I got a core team of 16 people together to help plan, pray, invest and run it. And tomorrow we launch this new endeavor to reach our city and our generation and make disciples who will bear fruit for God's glory (John 15:8). TEN months of praying, wrestling, planning, and praying for this. And tomorrow is the day! So much anticipation right now :)

God brought me to a low place, he let the ministry get to a low place last year in order to bring us to this new place and new season. And I just really believe we've spent this past year "digging around it and fertilizing it" so that God could bring new fruit and new life from a once dying tree.

Me and 2pac

I LOVE 2PAC!! His music is so good!!

I listen to him almost every day on my runs... along with Spanish music, Elevation worship and Drake!

I totally identify with some of his lyrics and then there are other lyrics I don't come close to identifying with. He talks about dying a lot, gangs, shootings, gangster parties, jail.. etc. I don't really identify with that haha! But I've noticed that a lot of it is about death. (Side note: I just thought of this, Hope is doing a series on "Living Well" and they will be talking about facing death in a few weeks... they could totally use some 2pac songs. ha)

But here are some lyrics that I relate to spiritually and in ministry:

"Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice, I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots." (song: Keep Ya Head Up)

This totally reminded me of Jeremiah 17:7-8. There is this imagery of a person who trusts in God and how they are like a tree planted by the water. And how it sends it's roots out by the stream. It doesn't fear when heat comes, it has no worries in a year of drought and it never fails to bear fruit.

And I just felt like one morning when I was praying God spoke to me through a play on words from those lyrics and those verses and said, "The deeper the faith, the sweeter the fruit." The more we have to trust God, rely on him and have no other provisions, he comes through, and the fruit that he produces through our faith is so much more satisfying, richer, and sweeter for having had to trust and watching him bring it about.

"Driven by my ambitions, desire higher positions, so I proceed to make G's, eternally in my mission is to be more than just a rap musician, the elevation of today's generation if I could make 'em listen, prison aint what we need, no longer stuck in greed, time to plan and strategize, my family's gotta eat." (song: Unconditional Love)

I listen to this verse all the time over and over. I identify with the phrase, "Driven by my ambitions." I have such high hopes and big dreams to see God do a great work in our city and our generation... I love the phrase, "The elevation of today's generation, if I could make them listen." If we would really listen to God's word and what he wants for us and live by it, we would be a generation who rises up and reaches people with the Gospel and makes disciples. "Time to plan and strategize" makes me think about how all the planning and strategizing that we are doing in ministry truly is about an eternal mission. So far greater than what 2pac was rapping about.

And then for obvious reasons, I just really like this chorus: "Though things change, the future's still inside of me, we must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark, so you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love." (song: Unconditional Love)

"Even in darkness light dawns for the upright.." Psalm 112:4

"God lives in us and his love is made complete in us" 1 John 4:12