place of abundance

"we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance." psalm 66:12

This verse is so true for me today. Looking back over the past 5 months, God had taken me through some hard storms and major pruning experiences, in my life and in my ministry.

Stability I thought I had ended up being a fleeting feeling, an illusion, a mis-step on my part, putting my hope in ever changing things. The ministry that God has put me in charge of has gone through some dramatic changes that were out of my control that burned. As well as other decisions in my control that I felt he was leading me to make... but still burned.

Fire.

In the midst of all that too, I was frustrated with God for not giving me what i thought I had to have, for not giving me what I wanted when I wanted it. Unanswered prayers hung over my head everyday and I soaked in self pity.

and water.

And recently healing has happened in my heart, re-newal in the ministry, re-newal in my attitude and perspectives, re-juvenation in my heart. As leaders develop and people are taking on roles with in the ministry I am able to show up and enjoy the fruit of it all, of all God has been pruning, and growing over time. I am able to enjoy the overflowing abundance of something which once seemed like it was being drained. New people, new excitement, new passion. God's spirit at work.

As far as unanswered prayers, God still hasn't given me what I HAD to have. He gave me something better. Contentment with out it. He has anchored my soul in Him, in his stability rather than allowing my soul to cling to fleeting waves. Contentment with him and my life just as it is. Trusting that his reasons are for a story so much bigger than my little self, my little life. I can praise him in advance for how he will unfold it all according to His story and for His greatness.

a place of abundance.

the loneliness of leadership

God has put me in a place of leadership. Being a leader was nothing I ever really sought out or longed to be, it just happened. God just seemed to orchestrate it all, he led me to and placed me in this position. I have had this job as being the leader for the Young Adult Community for over a year now. He is beginning to teach me some hard lessons about what it means to be a leader.

Right now the lesson is that "leadership is lonely". I absolutely love my job and wouldn't trade it for the world, this is just one of the challenges that comes with the territory and it is okay, I am just exploring it for the first time.

I guess part of that feeling comes from the fact that God has shown me things and given me insights to things that I can not show to everyone, but I have to make decisions based on those truths and on what is right even when people can't see my reasoning. Sometimes the reasons are simply things I cannot share in order to protect others or to avoid gossip.

In a speech called "The Loneliness of Leadership, I think Gordon B. Hinckley states it well, "The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness. I think it is inescapable. The Savior of the world was a Man who walked in loneliness. I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of loneliness than His statement: “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). There is no lonelier picture in history than of the Savior upon the cross, alone, the Redeemer of mankind, the Savior of the world, bringing to pass the Atonement, the Son of God suffering for the sins of mankind."

Looking to Jesus in his utter loneliness on the cross, losing his life, his friends, and His Father in that moment, reminds me that I have a comforter who understands everything he takes me through. But also I remember that because Christ took on this ultimate loneliness I will never have to. He will never leave me or forsake me.

This morning as I was praying I was telling God how hard it is to have people not be able to trust my decisions that I know are best for reasons that I cannot reveal. I sensed Him say to me, "Molly, welcome to my world". I was deeply convicted as I realize I myself fail to trust God for his decisions in my life, his sovereign control over my life, his reasons for things that He cannot reveal to me.

I understand now to some little degree... how lonely it must be for God to do what is right and best for us when we continue to accuse Him for not caring for us when he doesn't give us what we think we want or remove the problems we want Him to remove.

In this, I am able to trust his reason which I cannot see as he continues to allow hard things to happen and as he continues to walk with me in this loneliness of leadership he has placed me in according to his wisdom, good-will, and perfect reasons.

transcending

(a picture of Christmas time this year)
As I reflect on the story of the birth of Christ, this is the imagery that comes to my mind this morning.

I imagine the world going about their normal lives, except for a few... Mary, Joseph, the 3 wise men who are following this scary path of trust. I imagine God conducting this great symphony in the sky, aligning the stars and planets as he created the Bethlehem star (which was actually Jupiter- the "planet of Kings" and Venus-"the mother planet" coming in such close conjunction which became the brightest star man had ever seen) and all the math of the orbits lining perfectly to lead the wise men to find Jesus.

I imagine it being a great symphony telling the story of the climax of history, the entrance of the coming savior into the world, The King of Kings entering as a baby... in such a way we would never expect. No one understanding the grand-ness of what all is going on, it is all behind the scenes, above their heads... but God is conducting something powerful.

Maybe these few people can hear the melodies faintly like when you hear sound coming from someone else's headphones. But if one were to put them on they would hear clearly the drums, the thousands of strings, the deep bass, and high pitches coming together creating a symphony.

To the eye you see a manger and a few people and a baby. In reality it was the pinnacle of everything we have ever hoped and longed for entering our world. Our perfect God coming to our sin-stained earth in such a humble way that transcends all understanding.

The reason this imagery holds so much value to me right now... is because God has given this to me for my own life. I have been so worried and filled with anxiety lately. Thoughts and fears of God forgetting me. And over this past week, he has filled me with a peace I cannot explain. A peace that "transcends all understanding". He has given me a confidence that he is conducting something behind the scenes, above my head, he is orchestrating some story and I have no idea the greatness. I can hear it faintly like headphones I have not yet put on. So I am filled with hope, trust and praise. "Hope shall change to glad fruition, faith to sight and prayer to praise." (a few lines from the hymn, "Jesus I my cross have taken")

"Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." ~ phil 4:7 (msg)

He is so trustworthy, he is working something out in all our pain, all our uncertainty, and all our hopes. He is good. He is worthy of praise even when his work feels faint in our lives. Praise is the deepest form of trust.

"Praise almost seems to be inner health made audible." ~ C.S. Lewis.

Imagine our trusting praise mixed with his grand symphony. Faint to the ear, powerfully audible to the soul.

a re-occuring lesson

This is actually an old blog from 2007 when i was living in Spain, but I have been encouraged by it because i am learning the same lesson recently but with a new set of circumstances. (the photo is Christmas time in Spain)

"'today you will be with me in paradise' is what Christ whispers to every dying saint"

I read this quote in a book opened up in someone's bathroom the other night! and I was very encouraged in that bathroom.

Lately I have been experiencing my weakness as God has been sheding light of the width and depth of my sin. I've been seeing my lack of trust as I am about to go through another transition (as I move and as my friends go home for the summer). I'm so in love with where I am and the people around me that I fear to loose them and my fear makes me want to take control... in this uncontrolable situation. So I am faced with the difficult question, does my love for God's gifts exceed my love for him? Can I really loose all for his sake and know that still I am loved beyond measure, beyond anything anyone can offer?

As my awareness of how unworthy I am grows... I wonder why God would even want to use someone like me? I got home the other night discouraged by all this and sat down with my roommates for dinner. Our conversation lasted two hours. For the first time I feel like I was truly able to express my heart and my love for Jesus to them in Spanish. They were talking about how they hate the church because it is so hypocrytical, only wants power, and you must look and act a certain way to go. I told them I know of churches where the genuine desire is to share God's love with broken, sinful, needy people. I said in my church in America (HOPE) people can come just as they are and know they are embraced and loved by God not because they are good, but because He is and Jesus died for this. I told them that He is my life and I love him and enjoy him. I don't think I am perfect because I sin... a lot... every day and every day I ask for forgiveness.

Flora said, "molly I'd like to think like you." and I said "oh you can!" she said "no I can't do the religion thing." I said "you don't have to do anything, it is about what jesus already did for us." she said "and that is the problem, I don't believe in God or Jesus."...and my heart breaks... But I could sense that God's spirit was working in this apartment, in that conversation and I remembered that it is in God's character to use broken, weak people so he gets the glory... maybe that is why he'd like to use someone like me.

Moving on and stepping forward when it is hard and when it hurts is about dying to my selfish desires, dying to my self, laying down my life and walking a step at a time, trusting the One who ultimatley died because he loved me more than himself.

The other night a group of Americans (who are visiting for a prayer conference) and I were sitting around after a dinner on someone's patio and they brought out a guitar and started singing this hymn, "you can have all of this world, give me Jesus, give me Jesus... " And I opened up my hands and let go of my love for these things, these people, this apartment, this time in life, these gifts and sang "you can have them all.... give me Jesus." I am sure this is a process where I will let go and grab back on and let go and grab back on... but I know I am guaranteed help from Him. And I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next month or the next year, but as I let go of my life and I die to myself... today I am with him in paradise.

running and God

(some of the places ive run over the years)

I used to hate running… until the summer I lived in Brazil in 2003. I stayed with a family in a very small apartment.. For a spoiled American the icy cold showers were unbearable. So to fix this “problem” I came up with a brilliant idea: get all sweaty and hot then jump in the shower and it will feel amazing. Thus, begun my daily routine of running on the beaches of Brazil. After 10 minutes I would return, pouring out sweat and gasping for water. The family would simply say, “done already?” But the cold showers became my reward. Which lead to my motivation to keep running.

I started out using running with a goal in mind: to lessen the intensity of coldness of my showers. But somewhere along the way I began to fall in love with it. I began to actually enjoy it for what it was in itself.

I think sometimes people kind of look at God how I looked at running. When you first start out seeking God, it is usually seeking him for what he can do for you. He can give you blessings or fix your problems. There is an end in mind and God is the vehicle to get you there. But somewhere along the way you begin to fall in love with him. You begin to actually enjoy him for who he is in himself.

I fell in love with running so much that summer that I have done it for the past 7 years almost on a daily basis minus traveling and sickness, not because it will get me a good shower anymore, just because I love it and enjoy it. But the side affect is that the consistency has built strength and endurance in my body. I can run for an hour now compared to the 10 minutes that limited me in the beginning.

When we begin to seek God on a daily basis because of love and enjoyment of him, we find that the side affect is growth and endurance in our character. And the pattern goes like this: we feel weaker yet are made stronger, we suffer yet have peace, experience pain yet receive healing, endure trials yet develop perseverance, we learn discipline yet we’re set free, we see how sinful we are, yet how loved we are, we have many sorrows yet receive greater joy.

God is not a means to an end, we don’t seek him to get a reward, we seek him because he IS the reward. When we see that he sought us, sent Jesus, his son to die for us, not because we could do something for him, but just because he loved us for who we are ourselves, we in turn are drawn to seek him not for what he can get us, but for who he is himself. Blessing most certainly comes, but it isn’t the goal anymore. Day after day and year after year we will only fall more in love with the one who loves and enjoys us.

fruit that lasts

This morning I was reading John 15 on “The Vine and the Branches”. I desire for God to bear fruit with my life. I have been thinking about this concept as I have been thinking a lot about discipleship.

In the Greek whenever it talks about fruit, it is talking about a continuing process. And I was thinking about how fruit naturally multiplies itself by its seeds. It naturally reproduces its life in planting seeds that sprout into more fruit and more fruit that goes on to do the same! Just as we are called to do with our lives.

But that is a big responsibility to reproduce our lives or multiply our spiritual lives in the lives of others. How are we supposed to even do that?

The answer:

Remain. To Remain in Christ. Just remain. That’s all. Here are some other meanings of “remain” to meditate on:

Abide, cling, continue, delay, dwell, endure, last, linger, persist, reside, rest, tarry, wait…. In Christ.

Then I read, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (john 15:5). But I was thinking about how many things we do apart from him. We build big businesses, we develop non-profits that raise billions of dollars for good causes, make good music, build houses, neighborhoods and cities, we’ve developed the internet and modern communications, cars, planes, and space travel. How much has the human race done while not necessarily remaining in him?

So what could Jesus have meant?

Maybe he meant we can do nothing ETERNAL apart from him. Nothing that lasts can be done apart from him. Even further he says, “if anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.” (v. 6) So what can we do that lasts?

Only two things will last for eternity: his word and our souls. (our relationship with him). Investing in knowing him through his word and investing in others. The return on that investment is unimaginable and probably not fully realized until we see him face to face. A continuing process which bears fruit long after we are gone.

We cannot produce the fruit he calls us to produce on our own efforts (apart from him). That is a relief. We can choose where to invest our time and our lives. I believe the best choice is to work on our own personal relationship with Christ. By remaining in him, listening to him, planting his words in our hearts, growing in him and investing in others. He will do the rest of the work by producing the fruit that stems from Himself, The True Vine.

thoughts on discipleship

I am in the process of getting a lot of training in leadership and discipleship right now in my life...

One of the most interesting things i just read in a book called "The Master Plan of Evangelism" is this:

"If at this point (after 3 years of Jesus' ministry on earth) one were to measure the effectiveness of His evangelism by the number of His converts, Jesus doubtless would not be considered among the most productive mass evangelist of the church... why did Jesus deliberately concentrate his life upon comparatively so few people? Had he not come to save the world? The answer... Jesus was not trying to impress the crowd, but to usher in a Kingdom. This meant that He needed men who could lead the multitudes.... Though He did what he could to help the multitudes, he had to devote Himself primarily to a few men, rather than the masses, in order that the masses could at last be saved. This was the genius of His strategy." pg 31-33.

I love how relational the concept of discipleship is. Meeting with a few, walking with them in life, holding them accountable, pushing them to be more like Christ, seeing hearts changed and then sending them out to do the same. Just as Jesus did with his disciples. I also love how the multiplication of it works: if 9 people each disciple 3, that's 27 who will each take 3 more and that's 81 and so on. There could not be an investment more worth it than to spend your life working for what will last for eternity.

Becoming a "multiplying disciple"; that is my goal for where I want to see people headed as they come to YAC and as they grow in their faith and become more like Christ. For people to not only be discipled but to in turn disciple others, who will in turn disciple others, who will in turn disciple others. So that this ministry will have an eternal impact and out live us and even itself in the lives of people who become devoted followers of Jesus.

"To usher in his Kingdom" together.